Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Happy Birthday Eila ...

A few days ago I was preparing audio CD for a friend’s upcoming birthday on Feb 13. While playing back the CD, the song My All by Mariah Carey reminded me so much of my ex-girlfriend. I remember her birthday every year although she left me years ago without a word. Ever since she left, I kept thinking where she could have been and what she was doing all those years. I hope that she's happy with whatever choices she made. At times, I can't help but wondered if she ever think of me like she used to. I always think about her especially when going to all the places that we used to go. Everytime I did that, it brought back all the Memories we shared and made me felt so alive just thinking about her. All My Life I've never met anyone quite like her. Wherever I go or whatever I do, I always carry her in my heart because that's where she belongs. She's Someone that I will never be able to forget for as long as I live.

I met her 10 years ago when I started working. There were very few lady Engineers back then. Most of them were either married or in a relationship. Life at the office was not fun at all until the day she entered my life. Although she was an assistant at the office convenient store, there's something about her that kept me going there few times everyday. From the beginning, it wasn't easy to get her attention. She would just ignore me although I frequently dropped by daily. At times just to browse and not buying anything. I also tried small talks but she was not really interested. It took her awhile before she warmed up to me. She’s very pretty even without wearing her make-up. She hardly smile and don't easily trust anyone, men in particular. Not sure why she felt comfortable to hang around with me. Probably I was willing enough to listen. Sometimes, I purposely stayed back during her shift just to spend time with her. A year later, I made her a mix tape and bought teddy bear for her birthday. She was flattered when seeing I would do just about anything to get her attention.

When we first started going out after work, we went for Mee Udang at Teluk Kumbar nearby her house. There were a few stalls around that area, so we tried different one once in awhile. When things got bored, we would chill at Tanjung Assam beach nearby after having Mee Udang. Sometimes when we felt like going a bit further, I took her for a short drive along the coastal road heading towards Balik Pulau. We didn’t go all the way, just as far as we could see part of the sea below. 
While driving, I noticed that she loves my music selection - RnB, Pop, Jazz and Latin. Seeing how much she loves them, I upgraded the outdated tape player in my second hand Proton Saga Aeroback with Alpine 6-CD Changer and changed to 3-Way speaker for surround audio. I could tell from the look on her face that she was totally zoned out whenever the music is on. During the weekends, I would sneaked out to see her every single chance I had. The minute she called, I would be ready to pick her up for our secret rendezvous. I would take her wherever she wanted to go. We usually went for long rides just about anywhere. Everyday with her was an adventure. Things would never get bored as she always talked me into doing all sorts of crazy fun stuff. We were ‘Livin La Vida Loca’. She turned my life upside down and set my world on Fire. She got me wrapped around her fingers. I even got myself in trouble a few times and it felt like a thrill. Not sure how she did it, but her charms worked on me every time. No Matter What I got myself into, I can't get enough of her. After the adventures or "misadventures" we had all day, I really hate sending her back home. I just don't want the day to end. Apart from the good times, there were a few bad ones. The first one was when she started dating secretly with a guy from my department. I only knew about it when I accidentally caught them went back together. All I could do was to be happy with her choice although it hurts so bad.

One day she decided to end our friendship, I was so depressed. I hardly visited the store whenever she was around. I avoided her for few weeks until one day she approached me while I was at the soft-drinks vending machine outside the convenience store. I didn’t realized she was looking at me until she went outside. I remembered the way she looked that day. She was wearing her favourite black cardigan over her skirt uniform with her hair tossed in a messy bun. She pulled her cardigan closed to her chest with crossed arms as she slowly approached me. She kept looking at my face while I was attending the machine. I tried not to look at her but she had that look on her face that I just can’t resist. I sensed that she felt guilty for what happened and wanted to make things right between us. We started talking and she was surprised to see how different I was. I had a new haircut and even got second piercing on my ear to remind our past. We became friends again and occasionally went out for our weekend rendezvous until she quit her job. We got separated for a while when her new job required her to travel frequently. What amazes me the most is that she kept coming back to me whenever she needed someone so bad. It happened occasionally, especially when she had some misunderstandings with her boyfriend. No matter how much it hurts me, I could never see her in pain. I supported her in every way I could - physically, emotionally and financially if needed. I was her Shoulder to Cry On and always there for her, day and night. I always Stand By her side no matter how complicated the situation was. There were times I had to lie to my mum just to see her. The last night we spent was kind of odd. After our usual long rides at Batu Ferringhi, she asked me to take her to Bayu Senja. We stayed in the car watching the sunset and didn’t talk much. I sensed that something wasn’t right when she kept playing Menghitung Hari and said that I'll be counting days soon. I don't know what she meant by that. By the look on her face, I knew that she wanted to tell me something. I tried to get her to tell it all but she wouldn't. We stayed there in silence for the rest of the night.

When I realized that I would never see her again, it was too late. I waited too long to do something. We never even said goodbye and our relationship was left hanging just like that. I've been searching for her for the past 5 years. I asked every single friend of hers and went to every places that we’ve been. Still, she is nowhere to be heard or seen. I really miss her so much and all I ever wanted is to see her Again. Although she's The One That Got Away but then Who Knew perhaps One Day, she would be Back For Good. Until then ... Viva Forever my dear, I shall wait patiently for your return.

Happy Birthday Eila, wherever you are ... 
XOXO

Mariah Carey - My All
I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight