Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Secret Crush

Her name is Marzie, I knew her while pursuing A-Level program. She was a MUCIA student. We both studied at PPP/ITM Seksyen 17 and stayed in Seksyen 18. The first time I saw her was during hostel orientation week in 1990. Among the crowd, she and her three other beautiful friends caught my attention. She's very fair with long black hair, looks like a bollywood beauty when she smiles. She's so stunning!!. During the last orientation night, everyone had to perform on stage. My team chose to sing and dance to "Pretty Woman" and my eyes just can't stop looking at her while on stage. Few weeks later I found her room, facing mine at the opposite block. Her room is visible from my balcony and kitchen window. She was rarely around. The only time I could catch a glimpse of her was at night.

I don't know why but I wanted to get to know her. However I don't have the courage to approach her, felt nervous whenever she's around. Late one night when everyone was asleep, I decided to leave a note under her door, signed off with the name “Phantom”. I can’t remember what was written but it was a simple note of compliments. Sent a few but none was replied. It was a bad idea, I pushed the wrong button and scared her away instead. She moved to the top floor at different entrance.


My second attempt was during Valentine’s Day in 1991. Instead of customised Valentine Card, I made her a Garfield figure out of foam, decorated with colored-paper and outlined with marker. He was holding a pink heart with a message “Be My Valentine”. That was one of the creative talents I had in those days. She was surprised to see me in front of her room that night with a 3ft Garfield staring at her. When I briefly said that it was meant as a gift, she smiled and complimented me for being creative. Her kind words played in my mind the whole night. That was our first chat, a very brief one. Since then, I felt more confident to approach her. Although we may not exchange a lot of words but her sweet smile was good enough for me.

The 2nd time I went to her room was when promoting my selection of mini roll-on perfumes. Her friends invited me in and ‘interrogated’ me for a while. She must have confided in them about my interest in her. I don’t feel awkward, just interested to get to know them as well. They offered me a drink which I doubt it was "water" but I politely declined. Before I left, she ordered fruity scent perfume, apple flavor. When A-Level exam was finally over in 1992, I wanted to see her for the last time but she already left as her exam break started earlier. So, I made her a mix tape of songs and left in her mailbox. They're mostly RnB songs and Masterpiece by Atlantic Starr is definitely one of them. I'm not sure if the tape finally reached her.

After 15 years, I found her again through Friendster. She's lovely as ever. Only now I know she loves cats and collects miniature perfume. That explains why she loves the Garfield figure I made her and bought the roll-on perfume. Perhaps I managed to charm her in some ways. I'm glad I did those things even though she may not recall them.

Happy Birthday Marzie … among the Beautiful Girls that I’ve known, you are the Masterpiece of all.


M - Masterpiece describes her Beauty … she's so Lovely
A - Affectionate in her own way
R - Romance runs in her Soul … her words are a touch of gold
Z - Zest drives her to quest for only the best
I - Irresistible Adorable Desirable
E - Ecstatic smile ... such an Elegant style

XOXO

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Thinking of You

It was my friend’s birthday a few days ago, Eina, who was my A-Level roommate. She is pretty and very thoughtful when it comes to birthdays. She never misses any of her friend's birthday, including mine. For the past 15 years, I would either receive a card, an email or a simple sms greeting early in the morning. This is the kind of gesture that I treasure the most - life's simple pleasure. There was one occasion she made a card herself. It was during our 2nd year. I was extremely happy as I’ve never received such a thoughtful gift from anyone. It was beautifully decorated with cute sparkling stars and creatively written in golden ink.

Wish I still have it so that I could proudly show her how much it meant to me. I had it until about 5 years ago when I stayed temporarily in another house. The card with other personal stuff I kept safely in a shoe box were gone when I moved back. No one seems to know what happened or who kept them. I felt like part of me was missing. Until today it is still a mystery - unresolved case of X-File! It’s very touching to know someone who cares for me in a way that I've never imagine. I don't recall any misunderstanding between us during the 2 years we were together as roommates. We had so much fun, lots of laughter and no tears. She's the sweetest friend that I've known. We still keep in touch even though she already have a family. I may have lost the card she made but I will never loose her as my friend. That's a promise. 

My dear Eina … 
Though we're miles away or worlds apart 
Our friendship will keep us close in our hearts. 

I will always love you.
*Ex-mate*

Friday, August 17, 2007

No More Drama

Seven years ago when I have less friends in the office life was less complicated. I only have friends outside of work, just a few of us hanging out for some fun once in a while. In those days, I don't worry about who I should be pleasing except myself. I’m not being self-centered but that’s what I felt then. Sad only when I was thinking about my past, stressed only when resolving work issues and extremely happy when good old friends came down for a visit. Other than that, life was good and very much simpler then. I go wherever I wish and do whatever I desire. Nobody cares to question me. As long as I don’t get others pissed off to get my work done, then it’s a good thing.

Nowadays, if anyone in the office saw me doing things out of the ordinary, they would not only speak among themselves but spread the word around. Don’t need a network for that, there’s a human wireless broadband in the office that does a wonderful job. It’s human nature to be curious with everything, especially things not related to them. The peculiar thing is that the same goes even when I did something nice for them. They question your intention, not only words but their reaction said so. Doing something nice doesn’t mean I’m expecting something in return. I feel good when seeing a smile upon their faces. Isn’t that’s what friends do? Perhaps I’m not accustomed to the concept of friendship, the dos and the don’ts. Either I tend to go overboard or being too insensitive to their needs. Makes me wonder if they're faking all the while. If a nice gesture isn’t enough, I’m not sure what is.

When I care too much, I hurt myself. When I care less about them, they feel hurt. What happen if I don’t care at all? Do either of us get hurt? I can’t satisfy everyone, no one can. If doing things for them is not a good thing anymore, perhaps I should start doing my own things for a change. No more being overly sensitive to their needs. It’s time to think about myself, my priorities and prerogatives. Sorry Sisters, this time I’m doing things For Myself!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

I Hear Voices ...

There’s a voice in my head
Telling me to be Strong 
Things do go Wrong 

There’s a voice in my head 
Telling me to take Control 
Over Body, Mind and Soul 

There’s a voice in my head 
Telling me to Change 
No more acting Strange 

There’s a voice in my head 
Telling me to Forgive 
There’s only one Life to Live 

There’s a voice in my head 
Telling me to Forget 
No Fret or even Regret 

There’s a voice in my head 
Telling me not to Wait 
For it may be too Late 

There’s a voice in my head 
Telling me to Strive 
All it takes is a Will to Survive