Sunday, October 23, 2016

You Had Me Bleed ...

Dear Elle La' ...
The last time we went out was 2 years ago before puasa. We had dinner, walked around AutoCity outlets and talked for hours before headed home. It’s been awhile since we last had that much fun. We rarely go out after that, just occasionally watsapp. The last watsapp in end Feb 2016 left me worried, you read but there was no reply. I was puzzled because earlier that month we exchanged a few messages on your birthday and you were excited about planning a nite out to celebrate. Initially I thought perhaps you might have forgotten all about it. Then I tried the following month and still the same thing happened, you read but no reply. I tried again the next month and still no reply. My last watsapp was in May 2016 before you blocked my access. I was surprised when that happened because all I did was asking about you. I couldn’t recall of doing something bad or saying anything that might upset you. I’m sorry if you feel pressured to meet me after not seeing for almost 2 years. But I doubt that was the reason because I'm okay if you can't make it cause I totally understand your situation, I always do. I had no choice but to call you, just want to know what was going on and if there's anything I could do to help. Same thing again, you didn’t answer until the ringing stopped. Perhaps the call came at the wrong time when you were busy with the kids at home. I couldn’t figure out the right time and definitely don’t want to interfere your time spend with family. The following month I called just before heading to the office thinking that by then you would have dropped the kids at school and having some time on your own. I was wrong again, your phone kept ringing and I waited until it finally stopped.

I understand if you’re totally busy. All I was hoping was to get a simple message saying that you’re doing fine and there’s nothing to worry about. It’s not a difficult thing to do but yet you rather stay silence and that’s killing me. My last chance was getting through fb. I wrote a lengthy private message trying to understand you and apologize for anything that I could have done unintentionally to hurt you. That too was useless just like my previous attempts through watsapp and phone calls. Not only the message was ignored but you even blocked me in FB. Looks like all of my social access have been denied. I seriously don’t understand what was going on in your life, my only worry is your health condition as that’s the only thing that kept me thinking during those times. It’s ok if you rather keep it to yourself but a simple “Dun worry, I’m ok” would keep me sane and not worrying excessively.

I decided to let it be for the next few months hoping that you would finally open up after months of silence. It was almost end of the year and you seem not to care at all. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I decided to make a surprise visit during the last week of my unpaid leave. Instead, I was the one who got a shocking surprise. When I reached your house, the gate was already wide open and your car was parked inside. Tried to call but you didn’t answer. So I walked inside and knocked on the front door. Still no answer. Took a quick look around and no one seems to be at home. Since it was raining, I decided to wait under the porch. Occasionally I knocked the door hoping someone will hear. While waiting outside, my heart was racing and my mind was all over the place. What if you're not at home? What if something happened and you're not well? What if you don't like the idea of me being there?

After an hour, the door was finally opened. At that instant my heart beats fast as it might not be you behind the door. Then there you were, looking away from me and giving that look as if there’s a total stranger in front of you. It took me by surprise to seeing you that way. You asked in a rude manner “What are you doing here?” I kept looking at you hoping that you would look my way but you didn't. So I said “Are you ok? You’ve been quiet for so long, did anything happened to you? You kept quiet, took your stuff and walked towards the car without looking at me as if I wasn't there. While I was standing in front of your car looking like a fool, you said the most hurtful words to me “Go away, I don’t want to see you”. I was clueless and kept asking what I did so wrong that you’re giving me the attitude. You angrily said “Have you no shame?? People are watching!!” (Please don’t insult my intelligence. None of the neighbours were looking outside, I’ve been sitting there for the past hour and no one seems to be bothered by my presence. If you want me to leave, you could have said it in a polite way and I would quietly leave you alone)

Upon hearing those last words, I dashed to my car and never looked back. I was totally pissed off with the way you treated me and was deeply hurt with the words you said, especially the way they were said. You didn’t look at me, not even a quick glance as if I’m so disgusted and my presence is nothing more than a shame to you. Do you really hate me that much? What exactly I did to deserve all these? I know that I don't look like any of your friends but that doesn’t give you the right to degrade me in such manner. As I was driving home, I couldn’t stop crying. I’ve never been that humiliated before. Even when you left me twice without a word years ago, I never felt so hurt. We've been through a lot together and had a few misunderstandings before but this by far is the most complicated situation ever that I could never figure out. This time, you hurt me real bad ... you had me bleed. Not sure if this heart of mine will ever mend …

Saturday, June 13, 2015

I'm Truly Sorry ...


Dear NS …

The reason I'm writing is because it's been years since we last contact. I still feel guilty for what I did unintentionally and caused all those unnecessary stress … never meant to hurt you in anyway.

We have a history together, we’ve known each other for so long ever since started working. We had lots of good memories, fun and crazy moments. You have always been a good friend since the day I met you. You’re so good at connecting people and getting them together. You love to share anything and everything that fascinates you, from current trends to latest technology. Everyone is simply drawn towards your cheeky and chatty attitude. You have a certain aura, a charming personality that makes people love just to be around you. You opened up my mind into a whole new world, it felt so amazing and never seem bored. In other words, you have that “Je Ne Sais Quoi” that never failed to amaze me. Never thought that one day I'll never get to see those wonderful things about you. It's my fault and I hate myself being a stranger to you.

I admit it was wrong of me to inform our mates about you leaving. I was concerned about you like I always do with all my close friends. I didn't realized that you had your own way of dealing such situation. I'm sorry for crossing the line, never meant to cause any discomfort to you at all. I still remember when we accidentally met last year at the condo ... you were surprised to see me. I was too, totally unexpected to bump into you that day. We went for lunch and had a very long talk. While walking back to the condo, you shared all of your frustrations. I endlessly tried to explain myself why I did those things, not to justify my actions but to let you know that I truly care about you and begging for your forgiveness. The look on your face those last moments told me that was it ... I'll never be able to see you again after that. No amount of words is enough to express my regrets. Seriously, I just can't stop myself saying sorry after our last goodbye. All my life, I have never felt that emotional with anyone before. Never cried that hard for any of my friends, I lost words of what I want to say and my heart felt deeply hurt knowing that will be the last time I get to see you. Don't know if you will ever forgive me someday.

You were right about me don’t actually understand your situation. Only after I experienced going thru vss since a year ago, I really felt what you once felt. I was in a bad place during the first few months with feeling lost, despair & uncertain all the time. The anxiety left me restless every single day and night. Going through all alone, I felt totally useless and clueless of how I was going to cope. Now I’m more or less feeling settled with less expectations in life and living the most simplest way.

I don't want our friendship to end because of my stupid mistakes. I sincerely beg for your forgiveness. I truly pray that someday I'll see you again.

Please Forgive Me …
 

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Gomenasai



The first time I saw her in the office was end of 2010. She was talking to my friend who was her colleague at that time. Whenever I walked passed my friend’s place, they were always engaged in work discussion. One day I briefly interrupted them to confirm lunch plan with my friend.  We were introduced. I gently acknowledged her and left them with their discussion. Since that day, I often walked by my friend’s place just to lookout for her. Many times, we exchanged glances but never say a word. I wanted to know her. When I came across her profile in facebook, I sent a request hoping that it might get us better acquainted. I was wrong, she did not respond.
 
Weeks after that, I saw her talking to another colleague during lunch. As I passed by, I jokingly said she is taking too long to accept my request. She was not amused; she had a serious look on her face instead. I tried to engage in their conversation but they were not interested. I left, feeling like an idiot. That day onwards, I stopped looking for her since she was not keen to befriend me. Unexpectedly in Jan 2011, she finally accepted my facebook request. Since then, I knew little about her.

Months later, I asked her to join Friday lunch with my mates. Most of the time she felt shy and a bit awkward. Every now and then, I engaged her in the group conversation to make her feel more comfortable and welcomed. After a few sessions, she was delighted to join. Seeing her adapting well with them makes me glad as I can spend lunchtime with her too.

A few times, we went go out for movies in the weekend. Once we had dinner and desserts afterwards as we felt bored after the movie. We both tried something new; she had her 1st Subway meal while I had my 1st taste of Tutti Frutti. We stayed until late night and talked about random thing, from work to friends, family and even personal. She made me feel like a good companion to talk about anything, including things that does not makes sense. That was the first time I felt so alive ever since I ended my relationship with Beautiful Liar in May 2011. Basically, that is all I need, a good friend having a great time together.

In the last few months of 2011, we seldom go out as she was busy with her wedding preparation. I was invited for her wedding in Feb 2012, really wanted to go but feel awkward to attend alone. I apologized to her for not attending her special day. I was worried she might not forgive me but was relieved that she totally understand me. After all, she was extremely happy being married as everything turned out the way she had planned.

A month after the wedding, I took her for lunch as it has been months since we last went out. While having lunch at Nando’s, she received a call from her colleague who was queueing outside with a mutual friend of ours whom she dislike very much. They were waiting for a table and wanted to know if they could join us. She was tempted not to let them but agreed after I convinced her that it would be selfish of us. Throughout the rest of our lunch, we did not talk much as we do not feel comfortable sharing conversation with them. We quickly finished our meal and excused ourselves. The moment we left the table, there was a sign of relief on her face. She was thinking of telling them off for interrupting lunch. I purposely made funny remarks about them just to calm her down. She eventually did and we both had a big laugh over the whole silly thing. As we walked outside the restaurant, she held my hand. At that moment, I felt a warm feeling surrounded me. However, her grip did not last long and I pretended not to notice. It certainly feels wonderful having someone to hold my hand, even just for a while. Perhaps it was her way of thanking me for a great time.

In April 2012, things suddenly changed. Our occasional IM and SMS have stopped. For some reason she preferred not to spend time with me. She did not directly imply but I sensed through her choice of words and attitude. Several times, I tried to approach her but she avoided talking to me. I was clueless on what happened. Maybe it was a stressful time to settle work issues, or perhaps her husband does not like me being around her anymore. Whatever the reason was, I decided to stay away from her. I even took longer route to get around the office, just for her sake. At times, it was very hard to be invisible to her no matter how much I tried. If that’s what she wanted then that’s exactly what I had to do.

A month after that, she was transferred to another group after program completion. Her cubicle is much further away. Still, there were times I accidentally bumped into her on the way to the pantry. We briefly nod without saying a word. We were like two colleagues in the same office who barely know each other. Many times, I wanted to ask what I did so wrong that made her kept a distance from me. I never had the chance, as she would walked in between cubicles whenever she saw me heading her way from far. It really hurt me deep inside not knowing what made her despise me that much.

I decided to let things as they were and hope someday we will be just like before. Unfortunately, it did not happen. Instead, she found new friends with lots of common interests. They clicked instantly and become closer than I ever was. At that moment, it made me realized that I'm not relevant to her anymore. Perhaps I never was from the beginning of our friendship. No matter what, I'm still glad to see her happy surrounded by wonderful friends. Situation makes people change and it is always for the best.

For the rest of 2012, we seldom talk except a few occasions where I surprised her with small gifts to show I still regard her as friend. Once I took her out for Subway lunch after seeing her looking stressful for days. It was the best lunch hours I had in months, reminded me of the times we used to have. However, there was no mention of what caused us to drift apart. We sort of made up with the past, no intention of looking back to where we were and what changed us. That was as good as it gets.

Almost a year later in 2013, situation slightly changed between us. Occasionally we exchanged IM, SMS and FB comments. We had casual chats in the pantry. I even called her up to make sure she was not in danger when part of 2nd Penang Bridge construction collapsed nearby office. She was surprised to receive my call and knowing how much I care about her. After so long, we finally went out for lunch, it was the last week before Christmas that year. We had a wonderful lunch at Habanero. It was only then I realized there would not be such outings anymore once she study abroad next year. What she had planned for that year has finally come true.

Earlier this year, things got even better between us. It was just like the times when we first become friends. When April comes, my heart starts racing, as it was her last month before leaving for Japan. I tend to find excuses to be around her.  I treat every moment as if they were my last. Her birthday that month gave me a reason to find her a perfect farewell gift. An earring is what I had in mind as she recently pierced her left ear to remind the passing of her dad. Diamond suits her best as it portrays a strong and tough character to help her get through life. I gave her one of them and kept the other, to remind our friendship. My only regret is not having the chance to put it on her. I have been wearing mine since the day I presented her with the gift. Not sure if she will ever be wearing hers.

A week before her flight, we went out for the very last time. We had a late breakfast, followed by a drive down town before headed to Queen Street. She wanted to buy Punjabi suit. Such a pleasure to take her around to find the best ones. Throughout the time I was accompanying her, I prayed for the search to never end. Whenever she puts on Punjabi suit, she reminds me of Bollywood Queen Kajol. Looking how excited she was trying all of them makes me feel like the King of Khan. Then we spend a few hours shopping in Prangin Mall before headed to New World Park for an early dinner. The place is unknown to her. I held her hand as we were walking around, just to make her feel safe as the surrounding is very quiet. She held onto my grip, I let it loose once we reached the bistro. After our 3-course meal, we went to Esplanade. We were sitting at the promenade when it started to rain. We stayed in the car instead and talked for hours about everything that crossed our mind that night. It was the longest conversation we shared. Even when my mum called, I do not feel like going home at all. Our last stop was Liverpool Nasi Lemak where we had a drink before ended the night. It was the best 12 hours with her, the longest and the closest we have ever been.

In the following week, I constantly feel uneasy as it was only days before her flight. The day she wore her pink Punjabi suit makes me wish that she didn’t have to go. She looks gorgeous with all the accessories from head to toe. Her last day in the office was the worst I felt. She went around the office to bid farewell to everyone. I was worried if I did not get to see her, as she was upset with me the day before. I went to check her cubicle but she was not there. I waited until the last few hours in late afternoon to find her again. Seeing her still upset with me, I totally lost words at that moment. Tears starts filling my eyes when she persistently asked me to say something since I was so eager to see her. A few times, I had to turn away as I do not want to upset her further. Seeing me in that emotional state, she finally said something to cheer me up. Words were exchanged, she said all that need to be said and I agreed to every single one of them. In not so many words, I said sorry for everything I wronged for all these years. Whatever that messed our friendship 2 years ago is still a mystery. I really wish things turned out differently. For the last time, we took a stroll along the corridor before she left with her friends for farewell party that night.

My last day with her was at the airport, as she wanted me to send her off. As promised, I waited for her that morning. She arrived with her family and friends. I did not talk much as I wanted her to spend the last few hours with them. When it was time for her to wait at departure hall, my heart beats fast. Seeing her shed tears with them made me feel like crying. I tried to be strong as it was finally time to let her go. I was the last one to bid farewell, she gave me a brief friendly hug as that's all I am to her. My last words to her still remain the same … sorry for everything.

 

"Gomenasai" My Dear Friend ...
 
What I thought wasn't mine
In the light, wasn't one of a kind
A precious pearl
When I wanted to cry
I couldn't 'cause I wasn't allowed

Gomenasai for everything
Gomenasai, I know I let you down
Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend
Like I do now

What I thought wasn't all so innocent
Was a delicate doll of porcelain
When I wanted to call you and ask you for help
I stopped myself

Gomenasai for everything
Gomenasai, I know I let you down
Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend
Like I do now

What I thought was a dream, a mirage
Was as real as it seemed, a privilege
When I wanted to tell you, I made a mistake
I walked away

Gomenasai, for everything,  Gomenasai,  Gomenasai
Gomenasai, I never needed a friend, like I do now
Gomenasai, I let you down,  Gomenasai,  Gomenasai
Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend
Like I do now

Friday, April 11, 2014

S.H.E.L.Y

S - She’s a dear friend … one of a kind

H - Her smile makes my day … all the stress fades away

E - Everything about her is a wonder … there’s no one quite like her

L - Lively is what I feel whenever she’s with me

Y - Years from now I’ll see her again … being friends we shall remain

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Beautiful Liar

Dear “Z.J.” aka R.I. aka Luvly Butterfly or whatever you call yourself these days …

It’s been almost a month since your last sms reached me. Initially, I understand the silence as you need time and space to settle many things. Only now I realized not only you were busy settle down with your new job but you also started a new life with someone else. I should've suspected something wrong when I haven’t heard anything while you were "on holiday" in KL. I maybe smart in a few things in life but just plain stupid when it comes to love. Your early April sms has certainly made me a fool but I no longer wish to remain as one with all your lame excuses & sweet lies. I seriously doubt your love for me. In fact, you deserve no love at all … not from me. You’re not my Luvly Butterfly, “Beautiful Liar” probably suits you better.

Seriously, can’t believe I really fall for someone like you. I forgive you when you had a fling with your TAGGED friends because you convinced me that they were just harmless flirts. I even forgive you when you had an affair with your JB-mate Iman because you said it meant nothing to you coz I'm the only one who has a place in your heart. BULL-SHIT !! Your latest fling with Abi in KL left me totally speechless as I had no idea when it actually started. Once bitten, twice shy. Three times made me look like a BLOODY FOOLl!! Never thought you’re a heartless person who would leave me hanging without a closure after you secretly found someone better.

Our relationship that started since Aug 2008 is now in bits. All the memories are gone as I’ve no intention whatsoever to keep any of them. The only ones I shall take with me for the rest of my life are the lessons learnt from this painful relationship. At this moment, I feel nothing for you as I’ve chosen not to be a victim of your love. I’ve set you free from my mind, my heart & my soul. I no longer think of you, I do not wish to hear from you, I don’t want to speak to you, I don’t even care if I never ever see you again ... I simply don’t give a damn about you anymore!! We’re FINALLY over. NO MORE WE, now it’s just ME.

Everything I bought for you - clothes, shoes, handbags, jewelleries (including the diamond ring I gave when we first met) & not to forget the handphone that occasionally sms to me “by mistake” when it was meant for someone else you also call “Sayang”. DAMN IT!! You can do whatever you want with those useless things ... feel free to keep them. Otherwise, just burn or crush them to pieces just like you did with my aching heart. Don’t forget to take back your empty heart too coz someone else is dying to have it. Really can’t believe you treated me this way after I’ve loved you and trusted you with all my heart & stayed true to only you for all these years.

Don’t worry about the money you owe, treat them as a final gift for your upcoming birthday. Such an expensive gift to pay for someone who deserves nothing at all!! You’re a “Player” in your game of love. You played with so many hearts & you have won all of them. You may be good at winning this game but you will never survive the whole league. 

Kris Dayanti says I’m Sorry Goodbye but I would rather say my own way - “I’m NOT SORRY at all … GOODBYE”!!


Sunday, February 15, 2009

How I Do Love Thee




“ Don't throw your back to love when it's already in front of you.

Treasure the one who loves you!

It's not easy to find a person who loves you. ”




How I Do Love Thee
I love the way you Look at me
Your eyes tell me a Beautiful Story
You are The Only One for me

I love the way you Smile at me
It makes me feel so Carefree
No more anxiety ... No Worry

I love the way you Talk to me
Soft, Sweet and ever so Friendly
Your words are simply Lovely

I love the way you Care for me
With Tender Love that pleases me
Your Gracefulness is Extraordinary

I love the way you Touch me
Warm and Gentle … it’s so comfy
Your Affection deeply Moved me

I love the way you Love me
Full of Passion, Desire and Ecstasy
Your love truly Electrify me

I love the way you Hold my hand
Your Soft Hands gently clasp mine
The Two of Us becomes One

I love the way we Walk together
Hand in hand, Close to one another
So In Love, for Now And Forever

I love the way we Say Goodnight
Soft Kisses on the lips and a Gentle Bite
So Amazing, so Good … so Right

I love the way we Sleep at night
Embrace in each other’s arms so tight
Warm and Cozy Snug till the morning light

I Love Everything that you Do to me
Simple little things make me Happy
With You is where My Heart’ll always be

Monday, November 3, 2008

I'll Be Your ...

I’ll Be Your Best Friend
The one who holds your hand
I’ll be true and never pretend

I’ll Be Your Companion
The one who truly concern
I’m always there whenever you turn

I’ll Be Your Ears
The one who washes away your tears
I’ll fill your heart with joy and happiness

I’ll Be Your Eyes
The one who helps you get by
I’ll be someone you can always rely

I’ll Be Your Shoulder
The one who holds you so dear
In my arms you feel no fear

I’ll Be Your Bodyguard
The one who looks after your heart
I'll make sure no one tear it apart

I’ll Be Your Lover
The one who satisfies your hunger
We’ll be happy together forever

I’ll Be Your Man
The one who loves you till the end
Beside you is where I stand

I’ll Be Your Soulmate
The one who’s willing to wait
There’s never a moment too late

I'll Be Your Valentine

I’ll Be Yours … You’ll Be Mine
We'll last till the end of time.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Perfect Ending ...



" I yearn for Perfect Ending even though there never was A Beginning ... "

Monday, September 29, 2008

She's A SuperWoman ...


She’s a Great Friend
Who always lends a hand
Helping others to understand

She’s a Gifted Colleague
Who reaches to those in needs
There’s more to life indeed

She’s a Wonderful Companion
With pleasant conversation
Her words are an inspiration

She’s a Caring Mother
With compassion for each other
Her love touches one another

She’s an Elegant Lady
With a charming personality
Her words are so lovely

She’s a Super Woman
Who makes everyone sees
Beyond one could possibly be


This song is dedicated to a wonderful someone who is a “SuperWoman” in her own way …
“Happy Birthday Lara Dean…”
.
Alicia Keys - Superwoman
Everywhere I'm turning
Nothing seems complete
I stand up and I'm searching
For the better part of me
I hang my head from sorrow
Slave to humanity
I wear it on my shoulders
Gotta find the strength in me

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am … Yes She Is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes … I'm a Superwoman

For all the mothers fighting
For better days to come
And all my women
All my women sitting here trying
To come home before the sun
And all my sisters
Coming together
Say yes I will … Yes I can
Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am … Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes … I'm a Superwoman

When I'm breaking down
And I can't be found
And I start to get weak
Cause no one knows
Me underneath these clothes
But I can fly … We can fly

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am … Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes … I'm a Superwoman

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

7 Things About Me ...


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.




7 Things I Dislike About Me
1/ I tend to fall for someone I’m not supposed to
2/ I hold on to someone for the wrong reason
3/ I can’t let go off the past
4/ My instinct stinks
5/ I’m resistant to changes
6/ I never learn from my mistakes
7/ I can forgive but hard to forget
.

.
7 Things I Love About Me
1/ I don’t easily give up something that’s worth fighting for
2/ When I care, I care deeply … when I love, I love truly
3/ I love whoever loves me and ignore those who dislike me
4/ I listen to myself more than what others think of me
5/ I’ll find my way to survive anything
6/ I avoid gossip, I avoid conflict … I avoid stress
7/ I don’t pretend … I stay true to myself & others
.
.
Miley Cyrus - 7 Things
I probably shouldn't say this
But at times I get so scared
When I think about the previous
Relationship we've shared

It was awesome but we lost it
It's no possible for me not to care
Now we're standing in the rain
But nothin's ever goona change until you hear, my dear

The 7 things I hate about you
You're vain, you're games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
Your friends they're jerks
And when you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

It's awkward and it's silent
As I wait for you to say
What I need to hear now
Your sincere apology
And when you mean it, I'll believe it
If you text, I'll delete it
Let's be clear
I'm not coming back
You're taking 7 steps here

The 7 things I hate about you
You're vain, you're games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy

Your friends they're jerks
And when you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you


Compared to all the great things
That would take too long to write
I probably should mention
The 7 that I like

The 7 things I like about you
Your hair, your eyes, your old Levi's
And when we kiss, I'm hypnotized
You make me laugh, you make me cry
But I guess that's both I'll have to buy
Your hand in mine
When we're intertwined everything's alright
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I like the most that you do

You make me love you
.
< Miley Cyrus - 7 Things >

Saturday, September 20, 2008

With or Without You ...

“Love isn’t finding someone whom you can live with …
.....................it’s finding someone you can’t live without.”


I came across the above phrase while browsing here. I’m not sure why this particular phrase caught my attention. Perhaps it has something to do with myself occasionally thinking about true love … my ‘Destiny’. I have experienced intense crush before that ruined my friendship but true love is something that I have yet to encounter. Sometimes, I wonder if the person was actually there, right in front of me but somehow I didn’t notice. Or perhaps, I made a stupid mistake in the midst of rekindling old friendship and messed up something beautiful that could’ve been. When it comes to love, I’m just too blind to sense the truth. In the end, reality knocks some sense into me and now I’m forced to move on.

My late dad used to say, “When God takes away something from us, He will give something better in return”. So, while waiting for that something beautiful to happen, I’ll just keep on living …

“ With or Without You … I Shall Live ”

U2 - With or Without You

With Or Without You
See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

With or without you
I can't live
With or without you


And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
I can't live

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Time to Say Goodbye ...

I hear the ticking of time passing by
Three painful months have gone by
No final words or last goodbye
Only memories to get me by

I feel sorrow and endless pain
Hurtful words linger in my head
There’s nothing left to be said
What I once felt is now dead

I see emptiness inside me
By myself as I chose to be
No more us … no more we
All I see is just plain me

I sense everything is now gone
It’s time for me to finally move on
No looking back or feeling regret
Certain things are meant to forget

“Time will Heal the Pain and I shall See Beautiful Days again.”


Time to say Goodbye ...

Saturday, August 23, 2008

I'm Yours ...

The first time I heard of Jason Mraz was almost a year ago when a friend of mine was asking for this particular song. The moment I heard the first few beats, a serene kind of feelings surrounded me. Just like the music video, I could imagine myself in an island resort with great friends on the beach, sharing light moments together. It’s such a wonderful feeling!

I’ve never heard of a song with everything - simple tune, sweet words and soothing voice. That’s all you ever need to feel the love within yourself. There’s no other song that makes life feel as beautiful as this.

This song is for you, whoever you’re. I’m waiting for you … I’m Yours!

“ We Sing, We Dance … We Steal Hearts

.................. I’m Yours, You’re Mine … We’re One

P/s : Eina, this song is yr bday gift ... May new love of yours be yours Forever.

I’m Your - Jason Mraz

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
A lá peaceful melody
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
No need to complicate
Our time is short
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family … A lá happy family
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more
Oh no more no more no more
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No I won't hesitate no more, no more
This cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, The sky is yours ...

Monday, August 18, 2008

Bye Bye Baby Cactus

After Mama Cactus died earlier this year, a few of Baby Cactus siblings died 3 months ago. They died due to my own negligence. Mama died due to excessive water while the young ones suffered dryness. Too much love kills and too little love doesn’t fulfill ...



Last week, the last baby that was left all alone finally died. I noticed that its body began to shrink a month ago. No matter how much I cared, it just won’t respond. It chose not to survive on its own. So I let it rest in peace. Fear not Baby Cactus, your close companion Shaun the Sheep will never be alone. I’ve hooked him with a charming lad - Paul the Polar Bear. I promise you that they’ll be Friends for Life!


I'm sorry Baby Cactus ...

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Ayat Ayat Cinta

Apakah kau Ayat-Ayat Cinta
Mainan hati atau ungkapan sahaja
Pernah sekali ku bermimpi tentangnya
Bayangannya teramat luar biasa

Cantiknya kau Ayat-Ayat Cinta …
Sesaat sahaja membutakan bicara
Tiada kata setanding rupanya
Tiada rupa seindah tutur katanya

Siapakah kau Ayat-Ayat Cinta …
Cahaya matamu menyinari dada
Bisikan suaramu memikat jiwa
Kau umpama bidadari syurga

Wujudkah kau Ayat-Ayat Cinta …
Hingga kini tiada susulan ceritanya
1001 persoalan bermain di kepala
Bertanyakan misteri kata-katanya

Dimanakah kau Ayat-Ayat Cinta …
Di Selatan atau di Utara?
Akan ku jejaki seluruh dunia
Mencari kata-kata hatinya

Bersedialah kau Ayat-Ayat Cinta …
Pencarianku telah pun bermula
Bakal tiba waktu kita bersama
Hanya takdir yang menentukannya


< Rossa - Ayat Ayat Cinta >



Thursday, June 12, 2008

Apa Kata Hati ...

Apa Kata Hati …
Tahun 1996
menemukan kita pertama kali
Naluri Lelaki membuatkan ku ingin dekati
Ungkapan Dua Dunia tiada wujud di hati

Apa Kata Hati …
Lirikan matamu yang Paling Seksi
Gerak langkahmu seakan Elite G.I.G
Ooh La La! … kaulah idola lelaki

Apa Kata Hati …
Wajahmu berseri Bagaikan Puteri
Kaulah Teman Tapi Mesra lagi
Inikah Cinta namanya di hati?

Apa Kata Hati …
Tempatmu selalu ku kunjungi
Berulang kali setiap hari
Tiada rasa jemu di hati

Apa Kata Hati …
Semakin lama kau ku kenali
Semakin dekat rasa di hati
Adakah kau yang ku cari?

Apa Kata Hati …
Tahun 1999 memisahkan kita pertama kali
Tak Ku Duga kau ingin menyendiri
Adakah salah ku sendiri?

Apa Kata Hati …
Tahun 2000 kau Pulang Kembali
Mengubati Ruang Rindu di hati
Tiada terkata riangnya hidup ini

Apa Kata Hati …
Tahun 2001 kau pergi buat kedua kali
Asyik tertanya-tanya diriku ini
Apakah aku yang bersalah lagi?

Apa Kata Hati …
Pinta doaku buat saban hari
Tolong Jangan Pisahkan kami
Kaulah Segalanya di hati

Apa Kata Hati …
Setelah 7 tahun kau menyepi
11 Januari 2008 baru kau kembali
Kaulah hadiah terbaik di hari jadi

Apa Kata Hati …
Setelah wajahmu dapat ku tatapi
Suaramu membuaiku berulang kali
Kaulah yang paling memahami

Apa Kata Hati …
Bertahun lamanya baru ku mengerti
Takkan Ada Cinta di dalam hati
Hanya sayang terpendam selama ini

Apa Kata Hati …
Baru 4 bulan kita mula meniti
Kasih Tercipta ini terputus kembali
Tamparan katamu mengguris hati

Apa Kata Hati …
Dewi bukannya ‘Dealova’ yang ku mimpi
Percayalah … bukan Dia yang ku nanti
Hanya Kau yang terpahat di hati

Apa Kata Hati …
Sekian lama ku selami
Akhirnya baru ku sedari
Semua ini salah diriku sendiri

Apa Kata Hati …
Andai Ku Tahu kesudahannya begini
Takkan ku curah segala emosi
Ku rela pendam semuanya di hati

Apa Kata Hati …
Hancur sudah hatimu dilukai
Ternyata aku bukan baik hati
Ku MohonMaafkan diriku ini

Apa Kata Hati …
Sebulan sudah tiada kau hubungi
Teringin sungguh ku ulangi
Kenangan Terindah di bulan Januari

Apa Kata Hati …
Kemana saja langkahku pergi
Bayanganmu sentiasa di sisi
Perpisahan ini amat pilu sekali

Apa Kata Hati …
Teringin sekali kau ku dakapi
Wajahmu ingin ku tatapi
Buat kali terakhir sekali

Apa Kata Hati …
Setiap detik … setiap hari
Tiada rasa dapat menandingi
Kekesalan yang tersemat di hati

Apa Kata Hati …
Belaian Jiwa menghantui diri
Perit rasanya hidup sebegini
Mampukah aku bertahan lagi?

Apa Kata Hati …
Ternyata Aku Bukan Untukmu lagi
Bukan Diriku yang kau senangi
Biarpun hanya sebagai teman sejati

Apa Kata Hati …
Berhenti Berharap diri ini
My Heart akan ku bawa pergi
Bersama Kekasih Gelapku sendiri

Apa Kata Hati …
Kini ku hanya Menghitung Hari
Mana tahu … Mungkin Nanti
Kesalahanku bakal kau maafi

Apa Kata Hati …
Semua Tentang Kita tiada bererti lagi
Atas Nama Cinta ku melepaskan kau pergi
Pergilah Sayang … ku merelakan semua ini

Apa Kata Hati …
Setelah 12 tahun lamanya kita harungi
Terpaksa jua ku ucapi kata-kata ini
Salam Terakhir buat kau yang disayangi

Apa Kata Hati …
Sebelum kakiku melangkah pergi
Izinkan Ku pinta terakhir sekali
Biarlah Rahsia epilog Cinta ini

Apa Kata Hati …
Tak Sanggup ku Terlalu Cinta lagi
Hati Ini tiada terdaya lagi
Vida’ kini tiada bernyawa lagi

Apa Kata Hati …
I’m Sorry Goodbye adalah realiti
Takkan terjawab soalan di hati

Bisakah aku bertemu ‘Destiny’?