She's A Super Woman ...

She’s a Great Friend
Who always lends a hand
Helping others to understand

She’s a Gifted Colleague
Who reaches to those in needs
There’s more to life indeed

She’s a Wonderful Companion
With pleasant conversation
Her words are an inspiration

She’s a Caring Mother
With compassion for each other
Her love touches one another

She’s an Elegant Lady
With a charming personality
Her words are so lovely

She’s a Super Woman
Who makes everyone sees

Beyond one could possibly be

This is dedicated to a wonderful someone who is a “Super Woman” in her own way … Happy Birthday “Lara Dean”

Der EnGeL

R - Remember the Times that we Shared

O - One Remarkable thing I shall Never Forget

S - She paints a picture of Life’s Simple Pleasure

H - Her Thoughtfulness is such a Treasure

I - In search of Words, none could ever Measure

L - Love and Compassion she has for one another

A - Amazing things are all she’s ever done

W - Wherever she goes, she’s still The One

A - A Friend in need is a friend Indeed

T - These are the Beautiful things about Her

I - Irreplaceable … that’s the Definition of her

 

Chasing Cars

Something extraordinary happened last week on the way to Queens Bay Mall during lunch. It was a last minute plan to find a special gift for a dear friend. Just after I drove out of the office car park, Baby’s car was in front of me at the main junction. I purposely drove very close behind her and flashed a few times to get her attention. As expected, she sped off, switched lanes and swerved in between cars to leave me behind. I laughed at what just happened as we enjoyed teasing each other in a fun way. I tried to catch up with her. At the 1st traffic light, I could still see part of her car although there were a few cars ahead. By the time I reached 2nd traffic light, she was totally out of my sight. I could imagine her cheeky smile when I finally lost her. Just seconds after that, I noticed a familiar car. Not sure if it belongs to a dear friend, the one I’m buying a gift. Thinking that it wasn’t her, my mind started to wander what to get her.

Once the traffic light turned green, I decided to catch up with that car. Just before the forked junction, the car sped off and I couldn’t determine if it went straight ahead or turned left, the way that I was heading. I was disappointed for the 2nd time that day. Just when I was about to give up, unexpectedly at the 3rd traffic light, the car was exactly on my left lane, slightly ahead of me. Out of curiosity, I drove close enough to see the driver. To my surprise, it was really her, my dear friend whom I was chasing after Baby left me earlier. It was the 1st time we met driving on the road. I briefly acknowledged her and continued thinking of her perfect gift.

At the 4th traffic light, her car was exactly behind mine. At that point of time, I knew that we were heading to Queens Bay Mall, which used to be our ‘sacred place’ for Friday lunch. For the rest of the way there, all I could think was it would be the last time we drove together. Though we were heading the same way, we went separate ways once reached the mall. She knew exactly where she was going while I was still struggling to find her perfect gift. I promised to myself that it would be the first beautiful thing that catch my eyes … just like the way she caught mine.

There's something about the 'chase' that lingers in my mind until today. I realized that I was disappointed when couldn't catch up with my dear friend instead of Baby. It felt more disappointing to lose someone I'd like to get close with than the one I've been chasing after. The closest reflection I could relate this incident is quoted from The Little Prince, "But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart.". What I do know for sure is that even though the 'catch' lasted only for a moment, the 'triumph' feels like it lasts forever.

"Mirror ... Mirror in my hand, tell me where do I stand?"

XOXO

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
We'll do it all, everything, on our own

We don't need anything or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lay with me

And just forget the world

I don't quite know how to say how I feel

Those three words are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lay with me

And just forget the world

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads

I need your grace to remind me

To find my own

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lay with me

And just forget the world

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes

They're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

I just know that these things

Will never change for us at all

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lay with me

And just forget the world

The Time For Us

The first time we met 

It was a brief casual chat 

All she needed was just a teabag 

The first time we exchanged glance 

Almost left me in a trance

Intense was how it ends 

The first time she touched my arm 

There was no slight of alarm 

Must be her beautiful charm 

The first time she gave me a hug 

It wasn’t a real snug 

Just to show how she was bugged 

The first time we walked together 

We burst into laughter 

On the way to satisfy our hunger 

The first time she held onto my shoulder 

Her heels entangled with one another 

Should’ve offered my hands to hold her 

The first time we dine 

She looks so divine 

Her words blew out my mind 

The first time I looked into her eyes 

There was no disguise 

Only sparkles … no lies 

The first time we shared our past 

It wasn’t a blast or even aghast 

The feelings somehow didn’t last 

The first time I whispered into her ear 

It felt kind of queer 

Makes me want to disappear 

The first time I touched her hand 

She was stunned coz I never meant 

Just a reaction to situation unplanned 

The first time I gently pat her back 

I sensed that she was taken aback 

I should’ve just instead lay back 

The first time I touched her heart 

I ended up tore it apart 

A sense of regret that will never part 

The first time she touched my hand 

I could no longer pretend 

Just dying inside for the silence to end 

The first time we got back along 

It didn’t last that long 

The feeling was still strong 

The first time I touched her face 

She was full of grace 

Makes me want to embrace 

The last time I looked into her eyes 

My heart endlessly cries 

How could I break her trust 

The last time we got together 

I made another blunder 

Wonder if I have totally lost her

The last time we talked to each other 

Her reaction made it very clear 

We can never be together

The first time I tried to say goodbye

I couldn’t even look into her eyes 

My heart … just won’t tell lies 

The first time she said goodbye 

My eyes silently cry 

My heart slowly die ... 

The last moments we spent together 

Her final words linger in my ear

I still love her … miss her so dear

An Affair to Remember

I don’t remember exactly the first time I saw her but I do recall our first chat in 2003. It took place in the office pantry while I was making coffee. She was very disappointed that morning as there's no more teabag left. She can’t take coffee as she was pregnant with her 2nd child. There's nothing else left and she needed a drink to kick off the day. I felt sorry for her and offered my own teabag instead which I have extras. That was our first chat, it was very brief. Due to our busy schedule, we hardly bumped into each other again. Occasionally I saw her walked passed my cubicle on her way out for lunch. Then in early 2005, we got acquainted a little better when a close friend who happened to know her invited me to join them with few others for lunch. Since that day onwards, I always look forward for our friday lunch sessions. 
 

A few months later during lunch, she brought up an interesting topic about intimate relationship between two girls in an Indonesian movie, ‘Tentang Dia’. I don't know what made her wanted to discuss about such relationship. Out of curiosity, I bought the VCD to understand what the fuss is all about the movie. A few months after that, I told her about the VCD which made her wanted to borrow. Since she was extremely busy, it took her almost a month to finish as she could only watch privately in the office after work. Sometime in Oct 2005, we got to know our ‘little secrets’. I received email saying the movie reminded her of similar relationship with her best friend. Although she didn't share in detail, I was appalled for a moment with her confession. I didn't expect that coming from her. Since she was willing enough to open up, I replied that I had a similar thing with a girl too. We swore not to tell a soul about each other's secrets. We never did ... it was left as it is and we moved on like there’s nothing else to tell.

In end July 2006, we were the only ones available for lunch as the rest had other plans. I still remember that day. That was The First Time she looked extremely gorgeous wearing beautiful kebaya with high heels and carrying one of a kind wood-crafted handbag. If I had known she would dressed up elegantly, I would have put on my best pants and shirt. Luckily we were color-coordinated and looked compatible in a way. As we were walking towards the carpark, her heels got tangled in between the stone walkway. She held onto my shoulder for support as she was trying to fix them. As I waited for her, there were a group of ladies chilling on the grass lawn watching us. I should've offered my help instead of letting her handle by herself. Once done, we continued walking together as if nothing happened. During that moment I’ve never felt so proud to walk by her side leaving curious onlookers wondering about us. I took her to E-Gate Secret Recipe. That was the first time it was just the two of us and it was then we knew more of each other. When there was nothing left to say, she started talking about her past relationship with her best friend. Towards the end of our meal, I wanted to tell her about mine but don't know where to begin. With the place crowded and noisy with hungry patrons, it made even harder for me to think back what happened more than a decade ago. I could tell from her face that she looked disappointed when I didn't say much about my past, only bits and pieces.

When we came back from lunch, my mind started to wonder about my past. I felt compelled to tell her the whole story after she opened up to me. That weekend, I searched through my personal stuff from archived CDs. I was looking for something I wrote to someone when both of us were studying in UK. After re-format into pdf, I emailed her as I felt too ashamed to talk about it face to face. Since that day onwards, there were a series of email between us, exchanging thoughts of our loved ones. We never stop thinking of them even though we had moved on all these years. We even got to know that we shared the same song. Bryan Adam's Please Forgive Me is the song we dedicated to our loved ones. Sometimes it makes me wonder if we declared it simultaneously. I doubt so but if that were to happen, it would be totally ironic!

I was pleased to finally found someone whom I felt comfortable to open up about myself. It's like searching for someone similar to a soulmate. I felt so ease and certainly at peace. I never had that chance before as I was afraid of rejection once people knew my true self. The thought of knowing someone with similar past made me feel liberated in a way. We took precaution all the time - only communicated through email or office messenger and never discussed in the open. Even when we met along the corridor in the office, we never mention a single word about it. We sort of give each other a look that says, ‘No worries ... I do understand’.

One unexpected day, I found myself falling for her. I don’t know how it happened as we didn't show any signs of affection towards another. However, I do recall a few random ones when we were out with lunch mates. The first one was when all of us were walking in the carpark and she wanted to show how someone tried to hug her. That's when I was caught by surprise when she snugged me from behind. The other incident happened while we were walking in the mall when suddenly she  held my arm to stop me and showed something that caught her eyes. Another time was when she held my hand to get something from my shopping bag. I do recall the time I accidentally touched her hand. It happened when I was about to drive into in a parking space and at the same time, there was another car from behind trying to get into the same spot. She wanted to get out to stop the car but I held her hand to stop her instead. It wasn’t done on purpose, just a reflex reaction as I don’t want her to get into trouble. The closest we've been was when she asked me to touch up her face while getting ready for Commendation Awards Dinner. I was trembling inside being so close to her that night. Although those were just spur at the moment kind of thing, still they could trigger some sort of feelings inside. 

All those times when we shared our past, it never crossed my mind that there could be something between us. Although I love to look into her eyes every time we met, it doesn’t mean that I felt something for her. Nonetheless, I can't deny the fact that she has a certain charm that caught my eyes all the while. I truly admire her self-confidence, compassion and passion in everything she does. She put her heart and soul in pursuing whatever she believes. I was absolutely drawn towards her beautiful character. She inspired me to be a better me. That’s the reason I enjoyed more of her company each day.

I know that having some sort of affection for her is very inappropriate as she trusted me for being a good friend. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have shared her secrets with me. I told myself many times to put it aside but my heart just can’t deny what it feels inside. Last year on her birthday, I made a stupid mistake that totally ruined our beautiful friendship. I got too carried away in my creativity and made her a media slide "about us". She felt very uncomfortable and avoided me ever since. The worst part is that she preferred not to join friday lunch whenever I'm around. I felt so guilty for making her life miserable as I never meant any of that to happen. I tried to sort things out but the opportunity never came about.

Finally in Dec 2006, I emailed to her and confessed about everything. As expected, she was very furious. That time, I had totally crossed the line. We never spoke or saw each other again until my birthday celebration in Jan 2007. I was extremely happy as she finally broke her silence. We briefly acknowledged each other but the words spoken were not meant as they were before. I could never get myself to look into her eyes again as I felt too ashamed for what I did. I truly deserve that as it was my own foolish mistake.

 

Things were never the same again. We had less interaction and obviously we were not as close as we were before. Even when we tried to be friendly, a sense of discomfort made us feel more of a stranger to one another. It was hard to strike a conversation with her. My mind froze and my lips can't say a single word. The worst part was I even contemplated to say 'Hi' to her, thinking that she may not like it. I ended up with nothing to say at all. I felt useless, as if I've lost my ‘charm’. It happened too many times and at some point, I felt totally incompetent to be around her at all. Until today, I still wish that I could comfortably talk to her like I used to. That thought of mine ended up as wishful thinking instead. It was too late ... she's leaving soon.

A year had gone by but I still can’t figure out why it was so hard to let go ... my heart wasn't willing to live a lie. I've passed the cross-road and I chose the wrong path. Though I'm heading nowhere, I'm glad I took the chance of a lifetime. I may not reach my destination but I'm truly blessed for the best times I had throughout the journey. I shall continue this never-ending journey in a new path till I find my true destiny. 

I asked myself before, would I feel something for her even if she didn’t open up to me at all? The answer will still be 'Yes'. My affection towards her has little to do with our secrets, it was more of her personality. I was drawn towards her inner beauty, her beautiful soul captivated my heart. Although ‘This Masquerade’ has come to an end, there were a few stolen moments that I shall never forget - the times when I looked into her eyes. They were the most sincere moments we had. The heart may deny what’s buried deep down inside but the truth lies within the naked eyes. Undeniably, this is truly “An Affair to Remember”.

Lara,

I'm truly sorry for everything … Please Forgive Me

Truly,
JP

Ne Me Quitta Pas
Don't leave me
We must forget
All can be forgotten
That has already passed away
Forget the time
Of misunderstandings
And the time lost
Trying to know "how"
Forget those hours
That sometimes kill
With slaps of "why"
The heart of happiness
Don't leave me (4x)

I will give to you
Pearls made of rain
From countries
Where it never rains
I will work the land
All my life and beyond
To cover your body
With gold and with light
I will make a land
Where love will be king
Where love will be law
Where you will be queen
Don't leave me (4x)

Don't leave me
I will invent, for you
Fanciful words
That you'll understand
I will tell you
About those lovers
Who have twice seen
Their hearts set ablaze
I will tell you
The story of the king
Who died of not having
Ever met you
Don't leave me (4x)

We've often seen
Fire flowing again
From an ancient volcano
Considered too old
It's said that there are
Fire-scorched lands
That yield more wheat
Than the best April
And when evening comes
With a burning sky
The red and the black--
Are they not joined together?
Don't leave me (4x)

Don't leave me
I won't cry anymore
I won't talk anymore
I will hide over there
To watch you
Dance and smile
And to hear you
Sing and then laugh
Let me become
The shadow of your shadow
The shadow of your hand
The shadow of your dog
Don't leave me (4x)

The "Secret"

Lately I feel so stressed out with my work issues. I have difficulty to share with any friend of mine as I was afraid of upsetting them instead. So I cried alone but was caught by a close friend. Glad it was her as she knows me well. She found me in the same situation early last year when things got a bit tensed between us. In fact, it was her sweet words that brought us back together. Her comforting words always put a smile on my face. Thanks Baby !!

So I decided to do some soul searching, I was looking for some references to the book “Secret” which is highly recommended by a colleague. I wanted to change myself to be a better person in tough situations. Since I don't quite like reading, I decided to read the review and grasp the key message before made the purchase. After a few days of searching in thousands of links related to the word “secret”, I came across many unrelated topics, including this beautiful poem that caught my attention. It's entitled “It’s Now or Never, Forever”. I've read that poem before in my friend's blog, the same person who recommended the book “Secret”. What a coincidence!! The word “secret” link back to her. Come to think of it, we shared some secrets that no one knows. After days of soul searching, the search of “secret” ended up linking to her unexpectedly. Totally ironic, it's it?

Wonder if there's any secret message hidden behind this strange encounter. This is either the creepiest moment in my life or I'm being haunted by bad memories of her. Deja Vu!! Nope ... never again. I'm not willing to go through another round of emotional stress with sleepless nights. My search to look for "The Secret" stopped there.

It's Now or Never, Forever
The silence between us is deafening as can be,

Our emotions tossed to and fro like the waves of the sea,
A longing to be seen, a need to be heard,
But we pass by each other without saying a word.

A seed of friendship planted within our hearts,
But how can it blossom if we remain far apart?
I long to trespass the barriers of your mind,
To discover the thoughts you've harboured all this time.

Truly, all it takes is one word from either of us,
To penetrate the fortress of this impregnable curse,
Of being so near and yet always so far,
To move one step closer from where we now are.

The distance between us smothers our souls,
Weariness of the heart is taking its toll,
The only potent cure from this death-threatening cold,
Is the warmth emitted by friendship's welcoming glow.

Like a flickering flame of a candle burning dim,
The future for us looks hopelessly grim,
Destined to be strangers for the rest of our lives,
We never said, "Hello" and there will be no goodbyes.

Is this the way things were meant to be?
That you would always be "you" and I would always be "me"?
Perhaps we can argue that is it for the best,
That this human element is not put to the test.

Knowing full well that we may never cross paths again,
If our friendship ended even before it began,
For it is ultimately up to us to choose,
If this opportunity is one we are willing to lose.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step,
Should secrets be revealed or forever be kept?
Out of fear of rejection and the risk of loss,
Are we not willing to bear the cost?

Watch the sands of time trickling in the hourglass,
Very soon the present will become the past,
Each and every moment passes by so fast,

"How long will we wait?" is the question we must ask.

Written by Marianne Liaw Sook Huei of Kuala Lumpur

Forgive me My Dear ...

What’s that one thing we should never do to a friend in need? Leave them alone without even trying to help. That’s what I did yesterday and I felt like a jerk! After lunch yesterday, I went to the restroom. As soon as the door opened, I was surprised to see a good friend of mine by herself and in tears. There was no one else, just me and her. Her work issues seems to be the cause of her tears. I asked if I could help her in anyway but she briefly said she needed a good cry. From the look on her face, she needed more than that. I wish I could be that someone she can turn to for whatever reason. But I can't as I had to keep my distance due to our recent misunderstandings. I felt reluctant to leave her alone as she needed someone to be there with her. My conscience says she needed to be left alone but my heart says otherwise. Afraid of complicating our situation, I reluctantly excused myself and left her alone. That was the most insensitive thing I've ever done to anyone!! The worst part is that I didn’t even try to talk to her.

When I reached my cubicle, I couldn't think or concentrate on anything. I was disappointed with myself for leaving her without even trying to help. Seriously, what’s the worst thing that could happen? She may get upset with me for making things even worst between us but at least it would help to release all of her emotions. I don’t mind being her ‘punching bag’ as long as she feels better. The pain would remind me to be more sensitive towards other's misery.

In fear of losing what's left of our friendship, I sms to say how deeply sorry I was and will try to help her in anyway. If she reply, I would instantly run back to her. Unfortunately, there's no response. I started to feel worried and restless. I decided to check on her and pledged to comfort her by putting aside our misunderstanding just for that moment. To my dismay, someone else was already there to console her. I was like 10 minutes too late to make things right. Although I was glad to see her smile again but deep down inside, I was disappointed for not being the one who washed away her tears. Now, I'm the one holding back mine. 

My dear ... 

I’m truly sorry for being so insensitive. Please give me another chance to prove I'm still worthy of being your friend.

Take care … 

XOXO