You Had Me Bleed ...

Dear Eila ...

The last time we went out was June last year before puasa. We had dinner, walked around AutoCity outlets and talked for hours before headed home. It’s been awhile since we had that much fun. We rarely go out after that, only watsapp occasionally. The last watsapp in end Feb 2016 left me worried, you read my message but did not reply. It was weird because earlier that month we exchanged a few messages on your birthday, you were excited about planning a nite out to celebrate. Initially I thought you might have forgotten all about it with your busy schedule. So I tried the following month and the same thing happened, you read but did not respond. 

I tried again the next month and still silence. My last watsapp was in May 2016 before you blocked my access. I was surprised because I was only asking about your well-being. I couldn’t recall of doing something bad or saying anything that might upset you. I’m sorry if you feel pressured to meet me after more than a year. I doubt that was the reason. I'm okay if you can't as I understand your situation, always do. I had no choice but to call you, just to know what was going on and if there's anything I could do to help. The same thing happened, you didn’t answer until the ringing stopped. Perhaps the call came at the wrong time when you were busy with the kids. I couldn’t figure out the right time and definitely do not want to interfere your time with family. The following month I called just before left for work thinking that by then you would have dropped the kids at school and having some time on your own. I was wrong again, your phone kept ringing and I waited until it finally stopped.

I definitely understand if you’re busy. All I need is a simple message saying you’re alright and there’s nothing to worry about. It’s not a difficult thing to do but yet you rather stay silence and that’s killing me. My last chance was getting through FB. I sent message trying to apologize for anything that I could have done unintentionally to hurt you. That too was useless like my previous attempts through watsapp and phone calls. Not only the message was ignored, you even blocked me in FB. Looks like all of my social access to you have been denied. I seriously don’t understand what was going on. My only worry is your health condition as that was the only thing that kept me thinking during those times. It’s okay if you rather keep it to yourself but it's making me worried all the time.

I decided to just let it be for the next few months hoping that you would finally open up after months of silence. Then it was almost end of the year and you seemed not to care at all to get back to me. I was hoping someday I would receive a missed call from you but that never happen. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I made a surprise visit last Friday which happened to be the last week of my unpaid leave. Instead, I was the one who got a shocking surprise. When I reached your house, the gate was already wide opened and your car was parked inside. I tried to call but you didn’t answer. So I walked inside and knocked the front door, still no answer. Took a quick look around but no one seemed to be at home. Since it was raining, I decided to wait under the porch. Occasionally I knocked the door hoping someone would hear me. While waiting outside, my heart was not at peace. What if you're not at home? What if something happened and you're all alone? What if there's someone in the house and tried to harm you? What if you don't like me being there at all? My mind was all over the place.

After an hour, the door was finally opened. At that instant, my heart was racing as I was afraid that it might be someone else behind the door. Then there you were, looking away from me and giving that look as if there was a stranger in front of you. It took me by surprise to seeing you that way. You asked in a rude manner “What are you doing here?” I kept looking at you hoping that you would look my way but you didn't. So I said “Are you ok? You’ve been quiet for so long, did anything happened?” You kept quiet, took your stuff and walked towards the car without looking at me as if I wasn't even there. While I was standing in front of your car looking like a fool, you said “Go away, I don’t want to see you”. I was clueless and kept asking what I did so wrong that you’re giving me the attitude. You angrily said “Have you no shame?? People are watching!!” Owh, please, I'm not a fool. No one was looking. I’ve been sitting there for the past hour and no one seemed to be bothered by my presence. If you wanted me to leave, you could have said it politely and I would just leave you alone. Instead, you threatened to crash into my car if I don't go. I was totally speechless upon hearing those last words.

I dashed to my car and never looked back. I was totally pissed off with the way you treated me. I was deeply hurt to hear those words, especially the way they were said. You didn’t look at me, not even a glance as if I'm so disgusted and my presence was nothing more than a shame to you. Do you really hate me that much? What exactly did I do to deserve these? I know that I'm not like any of your friends but that doesn’t give you the right to degrade me in such manner. You were never this mean to me before, what happened to you? 

As I was driving home, I couldn’t stop crying. I’ve never been that humiliated before. Even when you left me twice without a word years ago, I never felt so hurt. The other reason I really wanted to see you is because I was going through a stressful time at work. The toxic people that I'm working with is killing me. That was the only time I needed you the most but you can't even look at me for some unknown reasons. Why can't you open up to me like you used to? What exactly did I do wrong that made you hate me so much? We've been through a lot together and had a few misunderstandings before but this by far is the most complicated situation I could never figure out. This time you really hurt me so bad ... you had me bleed.

With or Without You ...

“Love isn’t finding someone whom you can live with … it’s finding someone you can’t live without.”

I came across above phrase from the internet recently, not sure why it caught my attention instantly. Perhaps it has something to do with myself constantly thinking about my soul mate. Whenever someone comes along, I always grab any opportunity to explore if that’s the person I should be with. How to know if she's “The One”? How to tell if I fall for the wrong one? Will I eventually find my soul mate? When it comes to love, I’m just too blind to sense the truth.

About 4 months ago, my friend planned for a weekend getaway in KL for a shopping spree. It was also a chance for us to spend time as she’s always busy with kids at home. On the way back the next day, we talked about random stuff. One of the things she asked was how I deal with my “feelings” these days. She knows that I’m attracted to female because she’s one of them, the one I truly love the most since 1996. She was uneasy with my confession but still accept me as long as we’re just friends. I agreed although at times it was hard to control my feelings. Anyway, I told her about "Elle Dee" who knew things about me, how it all started and badly ended. She told me to forget about "Elle Dee" and move on, which I already did. After our random talk, we listened to my songs playlist while casually chat. After about an hour later, “Rossa - Aku Bukan Untukmu” started playing and I felt a bit emotional as it reminded me of what happened with "Elle Dee". When seeing tears on my cheeks, she told me not to think about the past and look for what's ahead. She also asked me to shut off the player but I still insisted to listen. I was okay shortly after, probably just need a silent cry to let it out. We stopped chatting and after a while she fell sleep.

Just after Jawi, there was a car tail-gating us and continuously flashing. I wanted to switch lane but the gap between the cars is too near. Instead, I speed up ahead. Since there was a stretch of cars along the left lane, it took a while before I could get in. The car at the back suddenly kept honking, forcing me to quickly move aside. It woke her up instantly and shocked to see what happened. She was angry although I told her it was the other car who was very impatient to get through. Suddenly for some reason, she told me to drop her at Juru RnR instead of sending back home. I asked her why but she kept quiet and refused to talk or even look at me. I kept saying the tail-gating incident was not my fault. I asked how will she get home and what will her husband say? Still no answer. Then I asked if it was because I got emotional over a song that reminded me of someone else when I should focus on her instead? Instantly, she got angry. I can’t tell if that was a stupid assumption or it was the actual reason. Seeing how angry she was, I kept quiet for the rest of the journey. As soon as we reached Juru RnR, I asked again if this is what she really wanted. She said don’t bother asking, then quickly grabbed all her luggage and left me standing alone. I kept looking her way hoping she will turn around but never did. When she was out of sight, I drove off. The rest of the night felt like the longest ride home. 

Few days later, I tried to call her hoping that she would calmed down by then. I couldn't get through at all. I was totally disappointed with what I did. I don't know why I kept messing things up between us. I Should Have Know Better ... should have stopped listening to those stupid love songs in the first place. If only I kept quiet and do what she said without asking too much, things would turned out differently. It was only earlier this year she got in touch with me after been silent for 7 years. Now our friendship is ruined, I messed up something beautiful that could’ve been. I remembered something my late Dad used to say, “When God takes away something from us, He will give something better in return”. Perhaps there will be another chance for us again in future. While waiting for that day to happen, I’ll keep on living …

“ With or Without You … I Shall Live ”

U2 - With or Without You

See the stone set in your eyes

See the thorn twist in your side 

I wait for you

 

Sleight of hand and twist of fate 

On a bed of nails she makes me wait 

And I wait without you 

With or without you

 

Through the storm we reach the shore 

You give it all but I want more 

And I'm waiting for you

 

With or without you 

I can't live 

With or without you

 

And you give yourself away 

And you give

And you give yourself away 

My hands are tied 

My body bruised, she's got me with 

Nothing to win and 

Nothing left to lose 

And you give yourself away 

And you give 

And you give yourself away 

With or without you ... I can't live

Time to Say Goodbye ...

I hear the ticking of time passing by
Three painful months have gone by
No final words or last goodbye
Only memories to get me by

I feel sorrow and endless pain
Hurtful words linger in my head
There’s nothing left to be said
What I once felt is now dead

I see emptiness inside me
By myself as I chose to be
No more us … no more we
All I see is just plain me

I sense everything is now gone
It’s time for me to finally move on
No looking back or feeling regret
Certain things are meant to forget

“Time will Heal the Pain and I shall See Beautiful Days again.”

Apa Kata Hati ...

Apa Kata Hati … 

Tahun 1996 menemukan kita pertama kali 

Naluri Lelaki membuatkan ku ingin dekati 

Ungkapan Dua Dunia tiada wujud di hati 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Lirikan matamu yang Paling Seksi

Gerak langkahmu seakan Elite G.I.G

Ooh La La! … kaulah idola lelaki 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Wajahmu berseri Bagaikan Puteri

Kaulah Teman Tapi Mesra lagi 

Inikah Cinta namanya di hati? 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Tempatmu selalu ku kunjungi 

Berulang kali setiap hari 

Tiada rasa jemu di hati 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Semakin lama kau ku kenali 

Semakin dekat rasa di hati 

Adakah kau yang ku cari? 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Tahun 1999 memisahkan kita pertama kali 

Tak Ku Duga kau ingin menyendiri 

Adakah salah ku sendiri? 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Tahun 2000 kau Pulang Kembali 

Mengubati Ruang Rindu di hati 

Tiada terkata riangnya hidup ini 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Tahun 2001 kau pergi buat kedua kali 

Asyik tertanya-tanya diriku ini 

Apakah aku yang bersalah lagi? 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Pinta doaku buat saban hari 

Tolong Jangan Pisahkan kami 

Kaulah Segalanya di hati 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Setelah 7 tahun kau menyepi 

11 Januari 2008 baru kau kembali 

Kaulah hadiah terbaik di hari jadi 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Setelah wajahmu dapat ku tatapi 

Suaramu membuaiku berulang kali 

Kaulah yang paling memahami 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Bertahun lamanya baru ku mengerti 

Takkan Ada Cinta di dalam hati 

Hanya sayang terpendam selama ini 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Baru 4 bulan kita mula meniti 

Kasih Tercipta ini terputus kembali 

Tamparan katamu mengguris hati 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Dewi bukannya ‘Dealova’ yang ku mimpi 

Percayalah … bukan Dia yang ku nanti 

Hanya Kau yang terpahat di hati 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Sekian lama ku selami 

Akhirnya baru ku sedari 

Semua ini salah diriku sendiri 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Andai Ku Tahu kesudahannya begini 

Takkan ku curah segala emosi 

Ku rela pendam semuanya di hati 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Hancur sudah hatimu dilukai 

Ternyata aku bukan baik hati 

Ku Mohon … Maafkan diriku ini 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Sebulan sudah tiada kau hubungi 

Teringin sungguh ku ulangi 

Kenangan Terindah di bulan Januari 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Kemana saja langkahku pergi 

Bayanganmu sentiasa di sisi 

Perpisahan ini amat pilu sekali 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Teringin sekali kau ku dakapi 

Wajahmu ingin ku tatapi 

Buat kali terakhir sekali 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Setiap detik … setiap hari 

Tiada rasa dapat menandingi 

Kekesalan yang tersemat di hati 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Belaian Jiwa menghantui diri 

Perit rasanya hidup sebegini 

Mampukah aku bertahan lagi? 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Ternyata Aku Bukan Untukmu lagi 

Bukan Diriku yang kau senangi 

Biarpun hanya sebagai teman sejati 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Berhenti Berharap diri ini 

My Heart akan ku bawa pergi 

Bersama Kekasih Gelapku sendiri 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Kini ku hanya Menghitung Hari 

Mana tahu … Mungkin Nanti 

Kesalahanku bakal kau maafi 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Semua Tentang Kita tiada bererti lagi 

Atas Nama Cinta ku melepaskan kau pergi 

Pergilah Sayang … ku merelakan semua ini 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Setelah 12 tahun lamanya kita harungi 

Terpaksa jua ku ucapi kata-kata ini 

Salam Terakhir buat kau yang disayangi 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Sebelum kakiku melangkah pergi 

Izinkan Ku pinta terakhir sekali 

Biarlah Rahsia epilog Cinta ini 

Apa Kata Hati … 

Tak Sanggup ku Terlalu Cinta lagi 

Hati Ini tiada terdaya lagi 

‘Vida’ kini tiada bernyawa lagi 

Apa Kata Hati … 

I’m Sorry Goodbye adalah realiti 

Takkan terjawab soalan di hati

… Bisakah aku bertemu ‘Destiny’?

< Apa Kata Hati Naz … >

Moron in Me ...

Dear Woman, 

I never thought last Sunday was a Wake Up Call for me. No matter how much I Won’t Go Home that night, the truth finally speaks itself ... Nothing Lasts Forever. 

All these years, I keep coming Back At Your Door and it Makes Me Wonder if I really Fell In Love With You. I finally realized that it was only an infatuation ... I love you as a friend instead. Fear not, what we shared during our weekend rendezvous will remain a Secret. 

There’s no doubt that I’m the reason our friendship is Falling Apart. Trust me, it’s Harder To Breathe knowing that I’ll Never See Your Face Again. I’m not saying it’s Better That We Break. The truth is, I’m still not Through With You. 

This may not be the Sweetest Goodbye but it would be for the best. For what it’s worth, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had … you accept me for who I really am and I cherish that for life. 

Someday ... I Will Be Loved. I’m sorry for everything. Take care ...

- Not a girl, not a Woman -

< M5 >

She’s All I Ever Had

I received a perfect belated birthday gift recently. She called me up late one night while I was half asleep. I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw her name on the caller ID. I thought it was just one of those dreams that kept haunting me for years. That night, it turned out to be real. It was like deja-vu, scenes from the dream flashed before my eyes. The moment I heard her called my name, I felt a thunder in my heart and a rush of blood to my head. I woke up and sat on my bed instantly. I whispered the only thing that came to my mind, “I miss you so much”. Moments later, there was total silence as we tried to hold back our tears. It took us awhile before we could say anything else. We were like two strangers, in search of words to get around the awkwardness. It’s very unlike us to feel that discomfort before. 

There was a mixture of feelings inside me as soon as the call ended. It brought me back to those days when she used to call me. Be it late at night or early morning, I was always there to comfort her. It’s hard to tell if it’s still the same reason this time around. Despite whatever it may be, I will still be the same person that I used to be during those darkest hours, her companion. It took me half an hour to shake off the anxiety before I finally went back to sleep. 

We met up on the following weekend. I felt nervous thinking of how we would react on seeing each other again after so many years. Her voice over the phone the other night convinced me that I would be seeing the same girl I once knew. I was right, she hasn’t changed much, pretty and plain as before. We headed to our favorite café where we spent hours talking, crying and laughing about everything that happened throughout these years. It was only then I realized why she left me without a word. She rather left things unsaid than to leave me in tears. Somehow it is the unheard truth that hurts me even more. Now that she’s back, the truth will be unveiled someday. 

When I drove her home late that night, we went through the same kind of feelings that we used to - don’t want the night to end. Not because of the thrill, but there were certain things clouding our heads. We didn't say anything as we don't want to spoil our first night after so many years. After I dropped her off, my mind wandered elsewhere. I ended up taking a wrong turn. It took me awhile before I finally found my way back home. I guess it was a reality check on me as not to get carried away after just one night. 

What fascinates me the most about that night is the fact that we’re still the same two people we used to be when we were together years ago. It’s amazing how we can still feel the closeness between us even after 7 years of separation ... must’ve lived within us all these years. It shows that we don’t have to be together to live the kind of love that we have. As long as we live inside our hearts, our love lives forever. She’s All I Ever Had, and ever will …

Dear Birthday Girl,

Our friendship is the best gift we could give each other.

 

“I love you then, I still love you now ... I will always love you”

XOXO

Ricky Martin - She's All I Ever Had
Here I am. Broken wings, quiet thoughts, unspoken dreams.
Here I am. Alone again and I need her now to hold my hand.

She's all … she's all I ever had.
She's the air I breathe.
She's all ... she's all I ever had

It's the way she makes me feel.
It's the only thing that's real.
It's the way she understands.
She's my lover, she's my friend.
And when I look into her eyes it's the way I feel inside.
Like the man I want to be.
She's all I ever need.

So much time, so much pain (but) there's one thing that still remains.
(It's the) The way she cared the love we shared.
And through it all she's always been there.

She's all … she's all I ever had in a world so cold, so empty.
She's all … she's all I ever had.

It's the way she makes me feel.
It's the only thing that's real.
It's the way she understands.
She's my lover, she's my friend.
And when I look into her eyes it's the way I feel inside.
Like the man I want to be
… She's All I Ever Need.

What’s with the Piercing?

During lunch time yesterday, a close friend asked about my ear piercings. If I remembered precisely, that’s not the first time she asked. I gave her the same answer as before. I said they’re just for fun when in actual fact, they’re not. The truth is, they reminded me of someone I love years ago. Wish I could easily share with anyone but I can’t. Baby is the only one who knew when I told her about my past 2 years ago. 

I had my second piercing after my first break up with Eila in 1998 after caught her sneaking out with a guy when we were together. Although we made up after that, it lasted only 6 months when she suddenly went away. She quit her job and left without a word. I searched for her everywhere but no one knows her whereabout. Her family refused to tell the truth, her best friend avoided me and her office mates said they knew nothing about her being away. I was frustrated as there's no one left to ask. Someone must have known something but refused to tell the truth. After months of search, I decided to stop as it led me nowhere. It was then I had the third piercing to remind me of the incident. I never regret having it although she came back a year later. When she left again in 2001, I totally lost faith in love. My heart just can't take it and I had to let her go. Don't want to pierce anymore when she left for the third time. Deep down inside, I still believe she will come back again someday. I still do ...

If it doesn’t hurt, then it’s definitely not love. That's the reason why. It hurts me so bad that I hurt myself even more to get over it. I don't do it for just anyone. Even when I was on a ‘break’ with Baby in April 2006, I didn’t do anything to hurt myself. Baby is just someone I was looking to replace Eila but turned out that no one can take her place in my heart. She's irreplaceable. Love hurts but life hurts more when you’re not with that special someone. For the ultimate act of love, I would ‘Tattoo’ her name in my heart ... which I already did.

“Just like a Tattoo … I’ll always have you Eila”

XOXO

Happy Birthday Eila ...

A few days ago I was preparing audio CD for a friend’s upcoming birthday on Feb 13. While playing back the CD, the song My All by Mariah Carey reminded me so much of my ex-girlfriend. I remember her birthday every year although she left me years ago without a word. Ever since she left, I kept thinking where she could have been and what she was doing all those years. I hope that she's happy with whatever choices she made. At times, I can't help but wondered if she ever think of me like she used to. I always think about her especially when going to all the places that we used to go. Everytime I did that, it brought back all the Memories we shared and made me felt so alive just thinking about her. All My Life I've never met anyone quite like her. Wherever I go or whatever I do, I always carry her in my heart because that's where she belongs. She's Someone that I will never be able to forget for as long as I live.

I met her 10 years ago when I started working. There were very few lady Engineers back then. Most of them were either married or in a relationship. Life at the office was not fun at all until the day she entered my life. Although she was an assistant at the office convenient store, there's something about her that kept me going there few times everyday. From the beginning, it wasn't easy to get her attention. She would just ignore me although I frequently dropped by daily. At times just to browse and not buying anything. I also tried small talks but she was not really interested. It took her awhile before she warmed up to me. She’s very pretty even without wearing her make-up. She hardly smile and don't easily trust anyone, men in particular. Not sure why she felt comfortable to hang around with me. Probably I was willing enough to listen. Sometimes, I purposely stayed back during her shift just to spend time with her. A year later, I made her a mix tape and bought teddy bear for her birthday. She was flattered when seeing I would do just about anything to get her attention.

When we first started going out after work, we went for Mee Udang at Teluk Kumbar nearby her house. There were a few stalls around that area, so we tried different one once in awhile. When things got bored, we would chill at Tanjung Assam beach nearby after having Mee Udang. Sometimes when we felt like going a bit further, I took her for a short drive along the coastal road heading towards Balik Pulau. We didn’t go all the way, just as far as we could see part of the sea below. While driving, I noticed that she loves my music selection - RnB, Pop, Jazz and Latin. Seeing how much she loves them, I upgraded the outdated tape player in my second hand Proton Saga Aeroback with Alpine 6-CD Changer and changed to 3-Way speaker for surround audio. I could tell from the look on her face that she was totally zoned out whenever the music is on. During the weekends, I would sneaked out to see her every single chance I had. The minute she called, I would be ready to pick her up for our secret rendezvous. I would take her wherever she wanted to go. We usually went for long rides just about anywhere. Everyday with her was an adventure. Things would never get bored as she always talked me into doing all sorts of crazy fun stuff. We were ‘Livin La Vida Loca’. She turned my life upside down and set my world on Fire. She got me wrapped around her fingers. I even got myself in trouble a few times and it felt like a thrill. Not sure how she did it, but her charms worked on me every time. No Matter What I got myself into, I can't get enough of her. After the adventures or "misadventures" we had all day, I really hate sending her back home. I just don't want the day to end. Apart from the good times, there were a few bad ones. The first one was when she started dating secretly with a guy from my department. I only knew about it when I accidentally caught them went back together. All I could do was to be happy with her choice although it hurts so bad.

One day she decided to end our friendship, I was so depressed. I hardly visited the store whenever she was around. I avoided her for few weeks until one day she approached me while I was at the soft-drinks vending machine outside the convenience store. I didn’t realized she was looking at me until she went outside. I remembered the way she looked that day. She was wearing her favourite black cardigan over her skirt uniform with her hair tossed in a messy bun. She pulled her cardigan closed to her chest with crossed arms as she slowly approached me. She kept looking at my face while I was attending the machine. I tried not to look at her but she had that look on her face that I just can’t resist. I sensed that she felt guilty for what happened and wanted to make things right between us. We started talking and she was surprised to see how different I was. I had a new haircut and even got second piercing on my ear to remind our past. We became friends again and occasionally went out for our weekend rendezvous until she quit her job. We got separated for a while when her new job required her to travel frequently. What amazes me the most is that she kept coming back to me whenever she needed someone so bad. It happened occasionally, especially when she had some misunderstandings with her boyfriend. No matter how much it hurts me, I could never see her in pain. I supported her in every way I could - physically, emotionally and financially if needed. I was her Shoulder to Cry On and always there for her, day and night. I always Stand By her side no matter how complicated the situation was. There were times I had to lie to my mum just to see her. The last night we spent was kind of odd. After our usual long rides at Batu Ferringhi, she asked me to take her to Bayu Senja. We stayed in the car watching the sunset and didn’t talk much. I sensed that something wasn’t right when she kept playing Menghitung Hari and said that I'll be counting days soon. I don't know what she meant by that. By the look on her face, I knew that she wanted to tell me something. I tried to get her to tell it all but she wouldn't. We stayed there in silence for the rest of the night.

When I realized that I would never see her again, it was too late. I waited too long to do something. We never even said goodbye and our relationship was left hanging just like that. I've been searching for her for the past 5 years. I asked every single friend of hers and went to every places that we’ve been. Still, she is nowhere to be heard or seen. I really miss her so much and all I ever wanted is to see her Again. Although she's The One That Got Away but then Who Knew perhaps One Day, she would be Back For Good. Until then ... Viva Forever my dear, I shall wait patiently for your return.

Happy Birthday Eila, wherever you are ... 

XOXO

Mariah Carey - My All
I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight