Saturday, February 10, 2007

Happy Birthday ILA

A few days ago I was preparing a CD package for a friend’s upcoming birthday on Feb 13. While playing back the CD, the song - My All by Mariah Carey reminds me so much of my ex-girlfriend. I always remember her birthday every year although she left me years ago without a word. She's definitely one of a kind that makes one will never ever forget.

I befriended her 10 years ago when I started working. There were very few lady engineers back then. Life at the office was very boring and no fun at all until the day she entered my life. Although she was only a contractor at the convenient store in the office, there was something about her that kept me frequent the store a few times everyday. She’s pretty even without her make-up but kind of aggressive due to her past bad relationships. She hardly trust any one, men in particular. Not sure why she opened up to me and shared her frustrated life. Probably I was willing enough to listen. During the weekend, I would sneak out to see her every single chance I had. The minute she called, I would be ready to pick her. We usually go for a long ride and I really hate sending her back home. Never want the day to end. Everyday with her was not just any other day. Things would never get bored as she always talked me into doing all sorts of crazy fun stuff. We were ‘Livin La Vida Loca’. Not sure how she did it, but her charms worked every time. Apart from the good times, there were a few bad ones. The 1st ever was when she befriended a male colleague and they were dating secretly. I only knew about it when I accidentally caught them went back together. All I could do was to be happy with her choice although it hurts like hell.

One day when she decided to end our friendship, I was so depressed. I hardly visited the store anymore. I was avoiding her for a few weeks until one day she approached me. She was surprised to see how different I was. I even got 2nd ear pierce to remind me of our past. We became friends again and occasionally went out until she quit her job. We got separated for a while when her new job required her to travel frequently. What amazes me the most is that she kept coming back to me whenever she needed someone so badly. It happened occasionally, especially whenever she got into a fight with her bf. No matter how much it hurts me, I could never see her in pain. I supported her in every way I could - physically, emotionally and financially. I was her shoulder to cry on and always there for her - day and night. There were times I had to lie to my mum just to see her. Though never met her, my mum could sense that she’s not a good choice for a friend. Mum doesn’t need to worry now as she’s out of my life for the last 5 years. The last night we spent was kind of odd as we didn’t talk much but I sensed that something wasn’t right. I just couldn't get her to 'tell-it-all'.

When I realized that I would never see her again, it was too late. I waited too long to react. We never even say goodbye and our relationship was left hanging just like that. All these years, I've been searching for her, asked every single friend of hers and went to every places that we’ve been. Still, she is nowhere to be heard or seen.

"Happy Birthday ILA, wherever you are ... "

Mariah Carey - My All
I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight


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