Getting Past M11

A few days ago there was a review with Senior Director from US. Although presentation on all program status only involved Program Leads, the rest of the Program Managers were required to participate in the session. When things got a little heavy, my mind started to wander elsewhere for awhile. I was using M-Gate as an analogy to relationship. M-Gate is a Corporate Tool that Program Managers use to manage program deliverables based on committed date. Main purpose is to track key deliverables per program checklists for every phase - M15 (Project Initiation), M11 (Commitment), M7 (Commitment Reaffirmed), M3 (Product Ship Acceptance), M2 (Regional Ship Acceptance) & M0 (End of Life). After the review session, I started to think about the similarity between project phases and relationship.

Based on my understanding, I would say that M15 is the initial phase of a relationship (Casual Dates), M11 is where we commit to build a stronger relationship (Couple), M7 is where we reaffirm our commitment to each other (Engagement), M3 is the big day (Wedding), M2 is possibly starting a family (Kids) and M0 can either be eternal love (Till Death do us part) or separate ways (Divorce). Having defined those phases, I would say that all my relationships never reach M11 as some of the M-Gate checklists (relationship basis) were not met. When this happened, the Program Manager (myself) is likely to be blamed for not managing the program well.

That is true in most cases but sometimes it’s not. An example is the Project Scope (type of relationship) wasn’t clearly defined during Project Initiation stage (casual outings). All my programs (relationships) never reach M11 (Commitment), there's always a Change in Scope (new expectation or change of heart) which eventually delays program delivery. One is allowed to change their mind but if it happened too frequently, there's something wrong in the way the Program (relationship) is being managed.

Based on the lessons learnt in my past relationships, the main factor that contribute to the failure to reach M11 and beyond is Communication. We're not aligned with each other. Being open is crucial in any relationship and that is something that we failed to comply. I always assumed she wants something without fully understand her needs and misinterpreted her reactions. I realized that not all of them came to me for some sort of comfort. Some basically need attention or affection for that particular moment to get over a certain phase. Once the phase is over, I’m no longer needed and that important message wasn’t clearly relayed to me. Another weakness I noticed is that I tend to go overboard, thinking that I should be giving more of everything and that’s where misunderstanding occurs. I need to further enhance my skills on Assumptions.

The only way to get past M11 is to listen effectively and act accordingly. Being open about everything would definitely help me to make better assumptions and manage the risks appropriately. If I can’t proceed M11 in my 'current' relationship, I’m not sure if I'm capable of managing a 'new' one.

I’m willing to go to the next phase if we’re ready to open up to each other. All we need is commitment ... I'll be ready if you are. There's no doubt that it is a big risk but with careful planning, we could manage our program efficiently, perhaps ultimately towards Flawless Launch.

XOXO