Man Propose, God Dispose

April 25, 1997 was the day my beloved Dad passed away. I was not there by his side during his last moments as he was in Mecca with Mum for Haj. It happened on Friday afternoon, the last few days before both of them were to return home. A few hours prior to that, he was having a chat with Mum. Mum said there was no indication at all that he would be leaving us. Only about an hour before Asar prayer, he started complaining to his roommates about having chest pain and sudden difficulty to breathe. Mum was called immediately and reached there in time and assisted him to Shahadah until his final breath. She witnessed the whole incident - it happened so fast and painlessly. I was at home alone on Friday night when Mum called. Before the shocking news, I was in a holiday mood - took the following week off to welcome them back home. That particular week turned out to be the longest week ever as I waited in pain for Mum to return home - Alone! True what my Dad used to say - “Man Propose, God Dispose”. 

Even though I didn’t get to see him before his demise, he ‘visited’ me in my dream, a few days before that depressing day. In my dream, I was taking a bus ride somewhere in UK, admiring the beautiful countryside when all of a sudden, the bus stopped. My Dad stepped in and stood a few steps away from me. He was wearing a white robe, the same one he did for Haj. I was taken by surprised as to why he was there since he was supposed to be in Mecca. The whole thing was so weird. I don’t remember seeing the bus driver or any other passenger except myself and Dad. Even the bus ride itself doesn’t make sense at all since I was already back home in Penang at that time. I asked Dad why he was there and where he was going. He didn’t say a word but only smiled at me. I wanted to hug him as I missed him so much but I just can’t get myself to move at all. I don’t remember how the dream ended. Wherever the bus stopped or the journey ended, it would definitely be a pleasant one for Dad. 

If only I knew that would be the last memory of Dad, I would have taken control of my dream to give him something that I seldom do - a big hug! Until today, I regretted very much for not hugging him as much as I should have when he was still around. Not because I don’t want to but I just don’t know why. One thing for sure, whenever I close my eyes, I can see him smiling at me and that’s exactly how I will remember him. 

Here’s looking at you Dad …XOXO