Thursday, February 7, 2008

She’s All I Ever Had

I received a perfect belated birthday gift recently. She called me up late one night while I was half asleep. I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw her name on the caller ID. I thought that it was just one of those dreams that kept haunting me for years. That night, the dream turned out to be a reality. It was like deja-vu, scenes from the dream flashed before my eyes. The moment I heard her called my name, I felt a thunder in my heart and a rush of blood to my head. I woke up and sat on my bed instantly. I whispered the only thing that came to my mind, “I miss you so much”. Moments later, there was total silence as we tried to hold back our tears. It took us awhile before we could say anything else. We were like two strangers, in search of words to get around the awkwardness. It’s very unlike us to feel that discomfort before.

There was a mixture of feelings inside me as soon as the call ended. It brought me back to those days when she used to call me. Be it late at night or early morning, I was always there to comfort her. It’s hard to tell if it’s still the same reason this time around. Despite whatever it may be, I will still be the same person that I used to be during those darkest hours, her companion. It took me half an hour to shake off the anxiety before I finally went back to sleep.

We met up on the following weekend. I felt nervous thinking of how we would react on seeing each other again after so many years. Her voice over the phone the other night convinced me that I would be seeing the same girl that I knew. I was right, she hasn’t changed much, pretty and plain as before. We headed to our favorite café where we spent hours talking, crying and laughing about everything that happened throughout these years. It was only then I realized why she left me without a word. She rather left things unsaid than to leave me in tears. Somehow it is the unheard truth that hurts me even more. Now that she’s back, the truth will be unveiled someday.

When I drove her home late that night, we went through the same kind of feelings that we used to - don’t want the night to end. Not because of the thrill, but there were certain things clouding our heads. We didn't say anything as we don't want to spoil our first night after so many years. After I dropped her off, my mind wandered elsewhere. I ended up taking a wrong turn. It took me awhile before I finally found my way back home. I guess it was a reality check on me as not to get carried away after just one night.

What fascinates me the most about that night is the fact that we’re still the same two people that we used to be when we were together years ago. It’s amazing how we can still feel the closeness between us even after 7 years of separation ... must’ve lived within us all these years. It shows that we don’t have to be together to live the kind of love that we have. As long as we live inside our hearts, our love lives forever. She’s All I Ever Had, and ever will …

Dear Birthday Girl,

Our friendship is the best gift we could give each other.
“ I love you then, I still love you now ... I will always love you ”


XOXO

Here I am. Broken wings, quiet thoughts, unspoken dreams.
Here I am. Alone again and I need her now to hold my hand.

She's all … she's all I ever had.
She's the air I breathe.
She's all ... she's all I ever had

It's the way she makes me feel.
It's the only thing that's real.
It's the way she understands.
She's my lover, she's my friend.
And when I look into her eyes it's the way I feel inside.
Like the man I want to be.
She's all I ever need.

So much time, so much pain (but) there's one thing that still remains.
(It's the) The way she cared the love we shared.
And through it all she's always been there.

She's all … she's all I ever had in a world so cold, so empty.
She's all … she's all I ever had.

It's the way she makes me feel.
It's the only thing that's real.
It's the way she understands.
She's my lover, she's my friend.
And when I look into her eyes it's the way I feel inside.
Like the man I want to be
She's All I Ever Need.

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