Valentine, Valentine … Wherefore art thou Valentine?

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face … You Took My Heart Away 

That Vision Of You remains in my mind until today

Beautiful Girl … you’re a Masterpiece of art
You Paint My Love right from the start

I’ve Been Waiting For You … All My Life
Your Love Is the only thing that keeps me alive

I’ve loved you since The First Time I saw you
Everyday I Love You … This I Promise You

You Come To My Senses all along
Right By Your Side is where I belong

I can’t help but Dreaming Of You all the while
Memory of you makes the dream worthwhile

My Heart says that you’re My Boo
My Baby You … I Just Can’t Stop Loving You

Dewi … I Miss You so much my dear
I Still Believe that We Belong Together

All I Ask Of You is You Must Love Me
There’ll be A Time For Us someday … You’ll See

With or Without You … I will Wait For You
I Love You and I’ll Stand By You

I’ll be Kissing You one fine day
Ready Or Not … I’ll do it my way

Angel of Mine … you’re so divine
Would you be My Valentine?

I Adore Me Amor … Tu Amor

Ne Me Quitte Pas … A Puro Dolor

I'm Yours ...

The first time I heard of Jason Mraz was almost a year ago when a friend of mine was asking for this particular song. The moment I heard the first few beats, a serene kind of feelings surrounded me. Just like the music video, I could imagine myself in an island resort with wonderful friends on the beach, sharing light moments together. It’s such a wonderful feeling! I’ve never heard of a song with everything - simple tune, sweet words and soothing voice. That’s all you ever need to feel the love within yourself. There’s no other song that makes life feel as beautiful as this.

This song is for you, wherever you are. I’ll be waiting for you … I’m Yours!

“ We Sing, We Dance … We Steal Hearts

            I’m Yours, You’re Mine … We’re One”

She’s All I Ever Had

I received a perfect belated birthday gift recently. She called me up late one night while I was half asleep. I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw her name on the caller ID. I thought it was just one of those dreams that kept haunting me for years. That night, it turned out to be real. It was like deja-vu, scenes from the dream flashed before my eyes. The moment I heard her called my name, I felt a thunder in my heart and a rush of blood to my head. I woke up and sat on my bed instantly. I whispered the only thing that came to my mind, “I miss you so much”. Moments later, there was total silence as we tried to hold back our tears. It took us awhile before we could say anything else. We were like two strangers, in search of words to get around the awkwardness. It’s very unlike us to feel that discomfort before. 

There was a mixture of feelings inside me as soon as the call ended. It brought me back to those days when she used to call me. Be it late at night or early morning, I was always there to comfort her. It’s hard to tell if it’s still the same reason this time around. Despite whatever it may be, I will still be the same person that I used to be during those darkest hours, her companion. It took me half an hour to shake off the anxiety before I finally went back to sleep. 

We met up on the following weekend. I felt nervous thinking of how we would react on seeing each other again after so many years. Her voice over the phone the other night convinced me that I would be seeing the same girl I once knew. I was right, she hasn’t changed much, pretty and plain as before. We headed to our favorite café where we spent hours talking, crying and laughing about everything that happened throughout these years. It was only then I realized why she left me without a word. She rather left things unsaid than to leave me in tears. Somehow it is the unheard truth that hurts me even more. Now that she’s back, the truth will be unveiled someday. 

When I drove her home late that night, we went through the same kind of feelings that we used to - don’t want the night to end. Not because of the thrill, but there were certain things clouding our heads. We didn't say anything as we don't want to spoil our first night after so many years. After I dropped her off, my mind wandered elsewhere. I ended up taking a wrong turn. It took me awhile before I finally found my way back home. I guess it was a reality check on me as not to get carried away after just one night. 

What fascinates me the most about that night is the fact that we’re still the same two people we used to be when we were together years ago. It’s amazing how we can still feel the closeness between us even after 7 years of separation ... must’ve lived within us all these years. It shows that we don’t have to be together to live the kind of love that we have. As long as we live inside our hearts, our love lives forever. She’s All I Ever Had, and ever will …

Dear Birthday Girl,

Our friendship is the best gift we could give each other.

 

“I love you then, I still love you now ... I will always love you”

XOXO

Ricky Martin - She's All I Ever Had
Here I am. Broken wings, quiet thoughts, unspoken dreams.
Here I am. Alone again and I need her now to hold my hand.

She's all … she's all I ever had.
She's the air I breathe.
She's all ... she's all I ever had

It's the way she makes me feel.
It's the only thing that's real.
It's the way she understands.
She's my lover, she's my friend.
And when I look into her eyes it's the way I feel inside.
Like the man I want to be.
She's all I ever need.

So much time, so much pain (but) there's one thing that still remains.
(It's the) The way she cared the love we shared.
And through it all she's always been there.

She's all … she's all I ever had in a world so cold, so empty.
She's all … she's all I ever had.

It's the way she makes me feel.
It's the only thing that's real.
It's the way she understands.
She's my lover, she's my friend.
And when I look into her eyes it's the way I feel inside.
Like the man I want to be
… She's All I Ever Need.

Music in Me

Music has always been part of my life since my childhood days. It accompanies me all the time, since early in the morning till I fall asleep at night. There is never a single day in my life goes by without listening to music. I just can't live without it, feels so incomplete. I've found solace in all sorts of music. Whether it's Alternative, Ballad, Classical, Dance, Easy Listening, Jazz, Latin, New Age, Pop, Rock, RnB or Soul, they're in sync with how I feel inside. Music talks to me when I’m lonely, comforts me when I’m sad, provides me strength when I need one, it praises me for my feat, it gives me serenity ... basically fulfills my soul. I have options to choose based on my mood, anything from passion for romance to power for glory. All it takes is to select the right kind of music with the appropriate beat to feel the emotion.

Once the music starts, my life spins into a world of its own. No one bothers me, my worries fade away and my stress goes away ... it's only me and my music. Sometimes the feeling was so intense that I got caught up in the zone. When reality kicks in, it slowly vanished and finally back to the real world where anxiety awaits me.

Although music accompanies me all day long, I rather be with a better companion at times – friends. It’s true that music helps me to forget the sorrow but comforting words from friends will ease the pain.

Friends are like Music & Lyrics ...
.. We need each other
... We walk hand in hand together
... We run after each other
... We hold on to one another
... We cry together
... We laugh at each other
... We blend together
... We can't live without the other

P/s : You are the Lyrics in My Music

What's left of Baby Cactus ...

It was my fault. I didn’t get someone to water Baby Cactus during Dec holiday. Not because I forgot but I couldn’t get MyBaby to help out. For some reason, she was keeping her distance since early Dec. I tried to approach her several times but she avoided me. In the end, I left MyBaby alone to deal with her problem. That left me no choice than to water Baby Cactus till the top of the pot, hoping it would sustain for 2 weeks. When I came back early this year, the bottom part of its body has dried up. I tried to revive by gently removed the whole body out of the pot and placed under running water to refresh. Then rearranged the soil before firmly planted back in the pot. Even though Baby Cactus looks better, I have a feeling that it may not last forever … I was right!

After almost 2 months, MyBaby finally broke her silence and made her first visit to my cubicle. She was a bit upset with something which I couldn’t even help. She needed comfort and that was all I could offer her. In the midst of comforting her, she noticed something wrong with Baby Cactus as the body has slanted to the side, towards its mate, Shaun the Sheep. She grabbed hold of Baby Cactus and looked sadly at it. I told MyBaby that it was my fault as I left it alone while I was away on holiday. MyBaby persistently asked me why I didn’t get her help to water Baby Cactus like I used to. I shrugged off my shoulder and kept quiet. I couldn’t tell her that I wanted to but I can't as she was avoiding me at that time.

Only a few days ago I decided to do what’s best for Baby Cactus – removed the green ones from the dried body and re-planted them close together with a mixture of new soil. That’s the only way to revive what’s left of it. Such a pity to see its main body, the one that has been keeping other parts together for the past 2 years, no longer have the strength to survive. I had to stop the pain and finally put it to rest. Apart from the main body, there was a small baby that didn’t make it either. I just don’t have the heart to get rid of this particular baby as it was among the last few to grow. The least I could do was to ‘preserve’ the small baby inside a gel-filled container and placed it next to the newly planted Baby Cactus. This way, they can still be close to each other. I hope a taste of new soil will give Baby Cactus a new breath of life …

I'm sorry for neglecting you ... I vow to take full responsibility for your well-being.

'We' ... or just 'Me'

Where have ‘We’ been?

.. or ‘We’ should never be seen. 

Where are ‘We’ going? 

.. or ‘We’ don’t know what we’re doing. 

Do ‘We’ still exist? 

.. or there’s something that I miss. 

Are ‘We’ drifting apart?

.. or ‘We’ should never start. 

Are ‘We’ still together? 

.. or ‘We’ should look for another. 

Should ‘We’ stay?

.. or ‘We’ rather fade away. 

Are ‘We’ ending? 

.. or there’s no ‘We’ from the beginning.

Being Happy

My dad gave me with this book, "Being Happy by Andrew Matthews" as a birthday gift. It went missing 12 years ago, just recently found. Seems that my younger brother borrowed and totally forgot about it all these years. He found last week after I persistently asked him to look through his book collection earlier this year.

I came to know about its ‘disappearance’ while I was on holiday in KL last December. I was looking for a book to read as I couldn’t sleep that night. While browsing through my Aunt's book shelf, this particular book caught my attention as it looks very familiar. When I looked through the note written inside, it’s a gift from her dear husband. Suddenly, I remembered that I used to have one years ago. Someone borrowed and has not returned ever since. I lost the interest to find something to read right that moment. Instead, my mind started to wonder about the missing book, which happened to be the last birthday gift from my dad. I’ve never been careless before, especially when it comes to prized possessions. The thought of losing it was very upsetting. I couldn’t sleep at all the entire night, was trying hard to remember who could’ve borrowed. I asked everyone the next morning but no one recalls seeing such book back home. My Aunt wanted me to have hers but I politely declined. I’d rather have the copy that my dad gave, the only one I cherish very much. I was devastated as I haven’t even had the chance to finish reading it. I vowed not to read that book again until I found the one that belongs to me.

The arrival of this long awaited book is like an omen. In a way, it’s telling me that I should find my happiness no matter how long it takes. Maybe it’s already there but I’m just too blind to see. Another possibility is that I can see it's there but not ready to acknowledge or too scared to take a step forward. Either way, I’ll keep my eyes wide open for anything that comes along. I shall be happy with whatever that awaits me eventually. It may take time but I will reach there one fine day...

Dear Dad,
Frank Sinatra did it his way …
Likewise, I shall pursue my happiness in my own way.

Thanks for the book.
Here’s looking at you Dad …

New Year - New Beginning or Ending?

It has been a bad start since the beginning of the year. I was down with high fever on new year’s eve and lasted for more than a week. There wasn’t much of a birthday celebration either as I wasn’t in the mood. My body was weak and I lost focus. My mind was elsewhere most of the time and I have no idea what was bothering me. Apart from the constant distraction, I got cranky easily. Even a slight noise around my cubicle drove me up the wall. Probably it was due to the strong medication. I should have known better than to display such erratic behavior. I really hate myself!!

In times like this, I would rather be left alone than having people to dislike me for not being myself. However, this time around, I badly need some company but the person who should be concern about me doesn’t seem to care at all. For unknown reason, Baby has been ignoring me. She gave all sorts of excuses to avoid talking whenever I saw her, as if she doesn’t want me hanging around anymore. I wonder if it's because of the media slides I made for Shila's farewell that made her jealous. There's nothing to be jealous about as they're just memorabilia of photos collection with her colleagues which I volunteered to help since other committee members were tight up with other arrangements. Whatever the reason was, I wish she opens up to me like she always do, no matter how complicated it is. 

We were okay before last November. She was hanging around with me almost everyday, came to my cubicle whenever she needs me. As always, I would put aside whatever I was doing and focused on her. She likes being pampered and I would do whatever she wants just to see her happy. Her words were so seductive, felt like I was under a spell. I fall for her ‘innocence’ and that's what upset me the most. I thought we're good friends. My instinct is bad, don’t even know who to trust and what to believe anymore. 

These days, words are so hard to come by. I felt as if I’ve lost my charm, can't even find the right words to express what I feel inside. Everything seems redundant, nothing interest me anymore. I’m living my life as it is, just couldn’t care less about anything or anyone at all, don't even know where I'm heading ... 

I wish for the magic to return … 

I wish to be myself again … 

I wish to find what I'm looking for.

XOXO

U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

I have climbed the highest mountains 

I have run through the fields 

Only to be with you

I have run, I have crawled 

I have scaled these city walls 

Only to be with you

But I still haven't found 

What I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips 

Felt the healing in her finger tips 

It burned like fire 

(I was) burning inside her

I have spoke with the tongue of angels 

I have held the hand of a devil 

It was warm in the night 

I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found 

What I'm looking for

I believe in the Kingdom Come 

Then all the colours will bleed into one 

Bleed into one

But yes, I'm still running

You broke the bonds 

And you loosed the chains 

Carried the cross of my shame 

Oh my shame, you know I believe it

But I still haven't found

What I'm looking for

Taking Chances ...

It’s been a year since I started this blog. It initially started off as a venue to delve into my life journey. It’s like putting bits & pieces together to solve a mystery. I was basically trying to figure out what makes me today and who I am to become tomorrow. It’s still a puzzle of what changed me at the early stage of life. Perhaps it was a pre-destined incident that wasn’t meant to be explored. As of now, it doesn’t matter the rationale behind it since I’ve accepted my life years ago. What’s more important is to find the will to survive. All I need is endless strength to be physically and emotionally fit to sustain this trying journey. For sure, it’s a big challenge to attain this kind of life but I’ll do it anyway. It’s the only desire that my heart lives for. I’ll take any chances given and willing to go through all the way.

To Be or Not To Be is not the question 

To Want and to Have is the only decision

XOXO

Celine Dion - Taking Chances

Don't know much about your life 

Don't know much about your world but 

Don't want to be alone tonight 

On this planet they call earth 

You don't know about my past

And I don't have a future figured out 

And maybe this is going too fast 

And maybe it's not meant to last 

But what do you say to taking chances 

What do you say to jumping off the edge 

Never knowing if there's solid ground below 

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay 

What do you say … 

I just want to start again 

And maybe you could show me how to try 

And maybe you could take me in 

Somewhere underneath your skin

 

What do you say to taking chances 

What do you say to jumping off the edge 

Never knowing if there's solid ground below 

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay 

What do you say … 

And I had my heart beaten down 

But I always come back for more 

There’s nothing like love to pull you up 

When you’re laying down on the floor there 

So talk to me … like lovers do 

Walk with me … like lovers do

What do you say to taking chances 

What do you say to jumping off the edge 

Never knowing if there's solid ground below 

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay 

What do you say … 

Don’t know much about your life 

And I don’t know much about your world …

You Put A Spell On Me

You Put a Spell on Me … 

I used to be happy 

Now misery loves me 

You Put a Spell on Me … 

I used to have a dream 

Now I’ve lost the esteem 

You Put a Spell on Me … 

I used to feel what love is 

Now I don’t know what it is

You Put a Spell on Me … 

I used to think a world about us 

Now I don’t know where it leads us 

You Put a Spell on Me … 

I used to adore you 

Now I hardly fancy you 

You Put a Spell on Me … 

I used to care for everybody 

Now no one can stand me 

You Put a Spell on Me … 

I used to live my life 

Now it’s a struggle to survive

I Said ... She Said

I said “Hey there … how was your day?” 

She said “Please go away” 

I said “What’s wrong?” 

She said “Nothing. Just move along” 

I said “Come on, what’s on your mind?” 

She said “I just need time to unwind” 

I said “Is there anything I can do?” 

She said “It’s ok … no thank you!” 

I said “I’m there if you need me” 

She said “Yeah right, we’ll see!!” 

I said “Hey … I really mean what I said” 

She said “Sorry. It’s just things not looking good ahead” 

I said “No matter what I’m with you” 

She said “I wish no one knew” 

I said “We do make mistake” 

She said “It’s something that I can’t forsake” 

I said “I wish I could help in some way” 

She said “All I could do now is pray” 

I said “It probably need more time”

She said “I hope it won’t take a lifetime”

I said “Don’t worry … things will be okay” 

She said “Thank you so much for making my day” 

I said “Take care …” 

She said “Thanks for being there”

Pet Sister

While browsing internet recently, I found a photo of someone who resembles a friend from boarding school. Initially, I wasn’t sure but after careful observation, there's a possibility it might be her. The eyes, lips and smile looks very similar, the only difference is hair color. I'm very convinced that it was her. I was searching for her contact info but there's none. The photo could have been some random upload by her friends.

She’s a year younger than me, knew her when she started Form 4 in boarding school. Her name is similar to mine but people called her "Ira". Her sweet and innocent looks attracted many guys in school. She was assigned under my care in Girl Guides, so it was my responsibility to ensure no one takes advantage of her.

After a few bonding sessions, she asked me to be her Pet Sister as she felt being close to a senior would discourage unwanted visits from the guys. Even if she didn’t mention anything about it, I would still offer her to be mine. We normally spent an hour hanging around the school in the evenings before prep session at night. That went on for only a few months until a hysteria incident in 1989. 

That night was windy with a slight drizzle and occasionally accompanied by thunder. All of us were confined inside the hostel. No one was allowed to go back home, except those badly affected by hysteria. Everyone was afraid to leave their room. All I could think at that moment was her. She always needed comfort, especially in times like this. I tried to make an escape to her room but was caught by the warden and told to return immediately. I could only imagine how terrified she would be at that moment. Just when I almost reached my room, there was a continuous scream. I could hardly tell where it came from. Out of curiosity, everyone rushed outside. Moments later, someone came to me and said it was Ira. I rushed to her room instantly and helped others to calm her down. She kept on screaming uncontrollably. I got kicked on the stomach when I tried to hold her down. For someone small, even 5 people aren't enough to hold her. We immediately took her home in a school van. Although my stomach was in pain, I still held her tightly until we reached her house which took about half hour drive. The moment we entered her room upstairs, there was a sudden blackout. The weird thing is the blackout only happened in her room. The rest of the house was still bright. After about 10 seconds, the light came back and she stopped screaming. She instantly looked calmed that moment. No one knows what happened during that 10 seconds blackout and it was the spookiest night in my entire life!

She was a different person when she returned to the hostel two weeks later. She avoided talking to people, including her close friends. Even after a month, I still can’t get close to her. I decided to let her be herself and gave her more time to recover. Only after a few months, she was okay to see me. We had brief chat occasionally and that was it. I don’t want to go beyond that as she might push me away for the second time. Although I was no longer her Pet Sister, I was able to foster a similar relationship. Before I left school after completed Form 5, I gave her a silver custom-made pendant with the name “NazSha”. It signifies our special bond … something we had that she might recall someday. Unfortunately, she never did. What changed her after the hysteria remains a mystery until today.

What’s with the Piercing?

During lunch time yesterday, a close friend asked about my ear piercings. If I remembered precisely, that’s not the first time she asked. I gave her the same answer as before. I said they’re just for fun when in actual fact, they’re not. The truth is, they reminded me of someone I love years ago. Wish I could easily share with anyone but I can’t. Baby is the only one who knew when I told her about my past 2 years ago. 

I had my second piercing after my first break up with Eila in 1998 after caught her sneaking out with a guy when we were together. Although we made up after that, it lasted only 6 months when she suddenly went away. She quit her job and left without a word. I searched for her everywhere but no one knows her whereabout. Her family refused to tell the truth, her best friend avoided me and her office mates said they knew nothing about her being away. I was frustrated as there's no one left to ask. Someone must have known something but refused to tell the truth. After months of search, I decided to stop as it led me nowhere. It was then I had the third piercing to remind me of the incident. I never regret having it although she came back a year later. When she left again in 2001, I totally lost faith in love. My heart just can't take it and I had to let her go. Don't want to pierce anymore when she left for the third time. Deep down inside, I still believe she will come back again someday. I still do ...

If it doesn’t hurt, then it’s definitely not love. That's the reason why. It hurts me so bad that I hurt myself even more to get over it. I don't do it for just anyone. Even when I was on a ‘break’ with Baby in April 2006, I didn’t do anything to hurt myself. Baby is just someone I was looking to replace Eila but turned out that no one can take her place in my heart. She's irreplaceable. Love hurts but life hurts more when you’re not with that special someone. For the ultimate act of love, I would ‘Tattoo’ her name in my heart ... which I already did.

“Just like a Tattoo … I’ll always have you Eila”

XOXO

Der EnGeL

R - Remember the Times that we Shared

O - One Remarkable thing I shall Never Forget

S - She paints a picture of Life’s Simple Pleasure

H - Her Thoughtfulness is such a Treasure

I - In search of Words, none could ever Measure

L - Love and Compassion she has for one another

A - Amazing things are all she’s ever done

W - Wherever she goes, she’s still The One

A - A Friend in need is a friend Indeed

T - These are the Beautiful things about Her

I - Irreplaceable … that’s the Definition of her

 

Chasing Cars

Something extraordinary happened last week on the way to Queens Bay Mall during lunch. It was a last minute plan to find a special gift for a dear friend. Just after I drove out of the office car park, Baby’s car was in front of me at the main junction. I purposely drove very close behind her and flashed a few times to get her attention. As expected, she sped off, switched lanes and swerved in between cars to leave me behind. I laughed at what just happened as we enjoyed teasing each other in a fun way. I tried to catch up with her. At the 1st traffic light, I could still see part of her car although there were a few cars ahead. By the time I reached 2nd traffic light, she was totally out of my sight. I could imagine her cheeky smile when I finally lost her. Just seconds after that, I noticed a familiar car. Not sure if it belongs to a dear friend, the one I’m buying a gift. Thinking that it wasn’t her, my mind started to wander what to get her.

Once the traffic light turned green, I decided to catch up with that car. Just before the forked junction, the car sped off and I couldn’t determine if it went straight ahead or turned left, the way that I was heading. I was disappointed for the 2nd time that day. Just when I was about to give up, unexpectedly at the 3rd traffic light, the car was exactly on my left lane, slightly ahead of me. Out of curiosity, I drove close enough to see the driver. To my surprise, it was really her, my dear friend whom I was chasing after Baby left me earlier. It was the 1st time we met driving on the road. I briefly acknowledged her and continued thinking of her perfect gift.

At the 4th traffic light, her car was exactly behind mine. At that point of time, I knew that we were heading to Queens Bay Mall, which used to be our ‘sacred place’ for Friday lunch. For the rest of the way there, all I could think was it would be the last time we drove together. Though we were heading the same way, we went separate ways once reached the mall. She knew exactly where she was going while I was still struggling to find her perfect gift. I promised to myself that it would be the first beautiful thing that catch my eyes … just like the way she caught mine.

There's something about the 'chase' that lingers in my mind until today. I realized that I was disappointed when couldn't catch up with my dear friend instead of Baby. It felt more disappointing to lose someone I'd like to get close with than the one I've been chasing after. The closest reflection I could relate this incident is quoted from The Little Prince, "But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart.". What I do know for sure is that even though the 'catch' lasted only for a moment, the 'triumph' feels like it lasts forever.

"Mirror ... Mirror in my hand, tell me where do I stand?"

XOXO

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
We'll do it all, everything, on our own

We don't need anything or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lay with me

And just forget the world

I don't quite know how to say how I feel

Those three words are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lay with me

And just forget the world

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads

I need your grace to remind me

To find my own

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lay with me

And just forget the world

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes

They're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

I just know that these things

Will never change for us at all

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lay with me

And just forget the world

The Time For Us

The first time we met 

It was a brief casual chat 

All she needed was just a teabag 

The first time we exchanged glance 

Almost left me in a trance

Intense was how it ends 

The first time she touched my arm 

There was no slight of alarm 

Must be her beautiful charm 

The first time she gave me a hug 

It wasn’t a real snug 

Just to show how she was bugged 

The first time we walked together 

We burst into laughter 

On the way to satisfy our hunger 

The first time she held onto my shoulder 

Her heels entangled with one another 

Should’ve offered my hands to hold her 

The first time we dine 

She looks so divine 

Her words blew out my mind 

The first time I looked into her eyes 

There was no disguise 

Only sparkles … no lies 

The first time we shared our past 

It wasn’t a blast or even aghast 

The feelings somehow didn’t last 

The first time I whispered into her ear 

It felt kind of queer 

Makes me want to disappear 

The first time I touched her hand 

She was stunned coz I never meant 

Just a reaction to situation unplanned 

The first time I gently pat her back 

I sensed that she was taken aback 

I should’ve just instead lay back 

The first time I touched her heart 

I ended up tore it apart 

A sense of regret that will never part 

The first time she touched my hand 

I could no longer pretend 

Just dying inside for the silence to end 

The first time we got back along 

It didn’t last that long 

The feeling was still strong 

The first time I touched her face 

She was full of grace 

Makes me want to embrace 

The last time I looked into her eyes 

My heart endlessly cries 

How could I break her trust 

The last time we got together 

I made another blunder 

Wonder if I have totally lost her

The last time we talked to each other 

Her reaction made it very clear 

We can never be together

The first time I tried to say goodbye

I couldn’t even look into her eyes 

My heart … just won’t tell lies 

The first time she said goodbye 

My eyes silently cry 

My heart slowly die ... 

The last moments we spent together 

Her final words linger in my ear

I still love her … miss her so dear